As I sit here listening to lovely cry of the Calpine/Busch rooster for

the 450th time today, I want to pass along the advice I sought from a rooster expert in Ojai. Let’s hope that the rooster’s owner will read this before someone in our neighborhood goes crazy (not me — I am a well-known animal lover).

Roosters are jungle animals. They make their calls when they are trying to get the attention of other roosters so that another one will tell him how nice he is. Since there are none in the area that we know of, this poor bird calls all day and half the night.

The rooster expert says that the owner is not providing shelter for the animal. It needs a sleeping house with sleeping bags or couch cushions lining the wall. It does not like to sleep outside and is very uncomfortable, not to mention cold. She suggests that the owner provide such a structure and the crowing should stop or at least abate quite a bit. Furthermore, the owner must tell the bird regularly that it is “good rooster” and mean it. It is emotionally disturbed when it crows so much and needs reassurance. In fact, the expert suggested that we all beam our thoughts of a good rooster to it and maybe that will help. While this may sound silly, the fact is that this bird annoys a lot of people and so it is incumbent on the owner to try a few remedies. Please, make this poor bird a warm winter house with sound proofing. And buy an alarm clock for yourself.

Susan Tellem

I have had sundry telephone calls regarding my article “Where’s That Tree” published in The Malibu Times regarding Michael O’Brien of the Rainsford Place Confection Posse. These inquiries were former friends and schoolteachers of Mike, and often the question was, what is Mike doing now. Michael is married, living in the Los Angeles area and, possessing a MBA in business from Cornell University, is employed the field of mergers and acquisitions. Mike is regarded so highly that his company has reserved his merger team for the most consequential merger ever attempted — that of Christmas and Chanukah.

While I personally do not know the trivialities from Mike on this gigantic merger, I have been told that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years by one merger firm or another. Mike believes that the overhead cost of having 12 days of Christmas and eight days of Chanukah is becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, the two religious factions believe the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the 15 Days of Christmukah, as the new holiday will be called. The downside Mike says is that massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the merger agreement, the letters on the dreydl, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a greater audience.

Mike O’Brien has declined to say whether a takeover of Kwanzaa might not be in the works as well for his merger team. He merely pointed out that, were it not for the independent existence of Kwanzaa, the merger between Christmas and Chanukah might indeed be seen as an unfair cornering of the holiday market. Fortunately for all concerned, Mike said, Kwanzaa will help to maintain the competitive balance.

To all Malibuities Merry Christmukah and a Happy Kwanzaa

Tom Fakehany

As a long time environmental activist, I would like to see the campaign contribution limit of $100 per candidate continue.

Included in a recent article in the Los Angeles Times titled “L.A.’s Inner Circle Is Mostly Rich, Enormously Powerful” is Jerrold Perenchio, billionaire owner of the Malibu Bay Company. Perenchio donates lots of money to political causes.

I would like to see a campaign to appeal to the conscience of Mr. Perenchio to donate his land, not to make more money for himself, but to be used for the betterment of the environment, which would ultimately make Malibu healthier for all living beings, way into the future.

Valerie Sklarevsky

My name is Brian Hjort, and I’m from Denmark. I’m writing to you because I want to ask you if you could be so kind to help me to put a story in your newspapers about the volunteer work I do helping Amerasian youth in locating their fathers.

My story start in 1992. I went to Vietnam as a tourist, to see how it look like. In Saigon I went around in centrum when I meet that big group of strange looking youth. They look like Caucasian and Africans and same time Asians. So I ask around and I was told that they were Amerasians, children of American soldiers and local women, left behind after the war. With help from a taxi driver I was able to come to Amerasian Transit Center, where they stay. The camp and the area was one big flavor of people in all color and races.

I was able to get some volunteer work to help the Amerasians, and in that way I learn of their life, the humiliations they always feel being the children of enemy.

In the camp I became very good friend with a Amerasian named Arnold Doan, he later saved my life when someone want to robbed me. In 1993 I went to Philippines to look for my friend. He had apply for the U.S./U.N. sponsored program O.D.P. (Orderly Departure Program) to repatriate back to U.S.A., and had now come for a 6 months learning about the life in U.S.A. before arriving.

So now he was in Philippine Refugee Processing Center (PRPC), so I went there and visit him and did some volunteer work. In the camp a girl gave me a name of an Amerasian friend who need help to find her father, and if I ever come back to Vietnam I should visit her.

In 1995 I went back to Vietnam, and meet her friend, she gave me a photo and a name of her father, and ask me to locate him for her. Back in Denmark, I think about it for a while, before I went to the U.S. Embassy, they gave me some address for help. I wrote to the U.S. military, and they send me a letter with some informations. Based on these informations and through the internet I was able to find him. After a pain writing letter I waited for long time, and a very good answer came back to me. The father was very happy, he knew he had a daughter but thought she was dead.

Back in Vietnam Amerasians found out that I help one, and many start writing to me, more than I dream of. So many that I made my own agency to help.

It was very hard in the beginning to search, to know the way, and it still is.In June 1999 I went back to Vietnam to open a office in Saigon. I hired a friend, to work for me parttime helping Amerasians. And I made a phone line and e-mail address. All these activities are paid by my own money. I had a very low paid job, so I’m spending what I had to help.

So why I’m doing this? Well when I meet these group of forgotten people it was so strange to see a group of people who suffered so much, had so much love, respect and dignity to give to a stranger as me.

That’s something I never will forget, I will do all I can to help them find their fathers, as much as I’m able as one person without any financial help. I don’t charge any fees for my help, because they don’t have any money. It all come from the heart.

About my future plans, I hope to open an office in the Philippines one day. And my wish is that I can get so much publish in Newspapers in U.S.A., that people really can see and understand what’s going on with their children in Asia. And I need all the help I can get, specially economic, but also people to help me for search for former soldiers, Web masters, anyone who want to help I really hope that you will be so kind to publish this article in your newspapers, it will make me very happy. Don’t forget the Amerasians they are suffered for what happened in the past. If you want to get in contact then contact me at the address below. I hope to hear from you.

Brian Hjort

Amerasian Relief Agency

Blankavej 21 st. tv

2500 Valby, Dk Denmark

I read with concern the news that Remy O’Neill, Carolyn Van Horn’s longtime campaign manager, has threatened to sue the city of Malibu unless it repeals its $100 per person campaign contribution limit. That limit was enacted to insure that every Malibu resident would have an equal voice in the political process and to avoid the appearance that government decisions were being unfairly influenced in favor of large contributors. I seem to recall that in the past those policies were supported by the very people Ms. O’Neill worked to elect. Abolishing the contribution limit would open the door to excessive influence by individuals with great wealth and large monied interests who are willing to spend whatever it takes to get their way.

The voice of the average Malibu citizen would be weakened, and public confidence in the impartiality of our government (certainly none too strong at the moment) would sustain further damage. It is extremely unfortunate that Ms. O’Neill and her friends have allowed their own short term political needs to outweigh the sound policy goals of the city. For the record, regardless of whether Ms. O’Neill is successful in obtaining court sanction for her fat cat campaign, my election campaign will continue to voluntarily abide by the existing $100 per person contribution limit, and I also offer to assist the Malibu City Attorney, on a pro bono basis, in his defense of the campaign ordinance if he thinks my help might by useful.

Jeff Jennings

Stage Reviews

By Dany Margolies/Associate Editor

Almost Perfect (at Santa Monica Playhouse); Arsenic and Old Lace (at Westchester Playhouse)

Buddy Apple is married to a nagging wife. All he wants is to live life as if it were a Gershwin song. If only he could finish his screenplay. If only his wife understood him.

But his marriage and his position with his family’s business keep him trapped — in adulthood, poor boy. No wonder his wife seems like a mother figure and his father treats him like a child. How refreshed he feels as he embarks on an affair with an exciting, ambitious young woman.

The Santa Monica Playhouse production of playwright Jerry Mayer’s “Almost Perfect” is satisfying for many reasons.

Because of the play’s simple plot and subplot, the audience can focus on the complexities of the characters and their relationships. And Mayer’s depiction of those relationships is as real as it gets; the story is reportedly autobiographical.

Director Chris DeCarlo keeps the humor flowing while ensuring the characters grow. At the opening night performance, not unusually, every line got a laugh. In this instance, however, every laugh was deserved.

The play is wisely cast. The actors playing the Apple men resemble one another, particularly Bishop and Ackerman. The women in Buddy’s life also vaguely resemble each other — and are taller, leggier versions of his mother.

Albie Selznick makes Buddy simultaneously funny and pathetic. He is an energetic actor with a revealing face and pleasing timing. Wendy Michaels gives a crushingly honest performance as the sourpuss wife.

Bill Ackerman gives a warm, wisecracking side to Buddy’s seemingly carefree, nonintellectual brother. Heidi Anderson wisely garners empathy as the other woman.

Don Bishop is terrific throughout as Dad; Susan Davis as Mom comes into her own as she makes a move for her independence.

Best may be the transcendent scene between Dad and Buddy when Dad tells his son, in essence, to grow up.

The set, designed by Chris Beyries and James Cooper, consists of metal piping backed by black cloth, which allows for quick, simple scene changes. The structure serves as a metaphor for the family’s building business, as well as an insider’s view of familial relationships, stripped bare.

“Almost Perfect” runs through Jan. 9, Fridays at 8 p.m., Saturdays at 6:30 and 9:30 p.m., and Sundays at 6:30 p.m. at Santa Monica Playhouse, 1211 4th Street, Santa Monica. Tel. 310.394.9779.

Today’s politically correct norm is to excuse criminals for being compelled by unspeakably evil childhoods to relive or relieve their misery.

How ahead of his time was 1940s playwright Joseph Kesselring? His classic, “Arsenic and Old Lace,” is a comedy bound to bring to mind the nature-or-nurture argument of human behavior, as well as the joys of that era’s theater.

It may be the 1940s, but aunts Abby and Martha Brewster remain very Victorian, in looks and spirit. They feel pity for “forlorn and unhappy” gentlemen who outlive their families. So they help them along in finding “peace” — with a poisoned glass of elderberry wine. Besides, it reminds them of their youth, when Grandfather always used to have a cadaver or two around the house.

At Westchester Playhouse, directed by Sheridan Cole, the production stays close to the original. Costume design by Maria Cohen and Phil Massi ranges from Victorian mourning to ’40s evening wear. Designer Michael Cohen takes direction from the script and provides a charming set.

Elizabeth Ash is a perky Abby, Norma Northcott-Binmore a serene Martha. Brian Mulvey is their “normal” nephew Mortimer, who takes it in the notepad for being a theater critic. His brothers have inherited the family lunacy: Teddy has “political” aspirations (Frederick N. Bald in a particularly “bully” performance), and Jonathan has taken the talents to professional levels (Tom Hyer, in the role written for Boris Karloff, eschews the Karloff imitation but makes his own creepiness). For obvious, and other, reasons, Mortimer can’t commit to Elaine, the parson’s daughter (Alison Mattiza).

In another of the playwright’s previews of the ’90s, Jonathan travels with his own plastic surgeon, Einstein (Larry Jones in a superbly twitchy portrayal).

Dave Parke evokes a ’40s detective in the chatty Officer O’Hara.

Ken Wishard, John Heninger Jr., Frank J. Olivadoti, Andy Kallok and Paul Mazerov round out the cast.

Bits of upstaging stage business keep the action visual.

Lighting by William Goldyn is realistic and effective. A portion of the action occurs in “darkness,” so Goldyn provides ambient illumination coming from the “outdoors.”

All but Mortimer are happy in their insanity, making their world a pleasant two-hour stop.

“Arsenic and Old Lace” plays Thursdays through Saturdays at 8 p.m., Sundays at 2 p.m., through Dec. 18, at Westchester Playhouse, 8301 Hindry Ave., 310.645.5156.

The year draws to an end, indeed the next millennium quickly approaches. Today, I pray for the future of the Malibu Community Labor Exchange (MCLE), a nonprofit project that I hold close to my heart. The MCLE sponsors a hiring site that serves both worker and hirer without charge. It is run by a volunteer board of directors and a salaried executive director, Oscar Mondragon, who served 20 years with Cesar Chavez to further social justice through nonviolence.

Since opening in 1993, the center has registered over 3500 workers and helped facilitate over 30,000 jobs. The center averages about 30 work assignments each day. Six mornings per week, skilled and unskilled workers, both men and women, gather to help garden, move, clear brush and do housework. Over the phone or in person, Oscar or a volunteer can assist in selecting a worker and/or negotiating a first time job. The suggested rate for unskilled work starts at $7 per hour.

In 1995 the Labor Exchange planted a 120-Rose Bush Garden in front of the City Hall and invited Malibu citizens to “Adopt a Bush” in the name of a loved one for a donation of $100. When I chose a rose bush to honor my father, Francisco Estevez, I looked for the smallest and least robust to symbolize the struggle my father and others like him faced as immigrants. Under the care of volunteer workers, that bush now produces glorious, healthy blossoms. And like that bush, people of all colors and ethnicities come to the center in need of sustenance.

The Labor Exchange is aided by a Malibu City Community Development Block Grant to help the urban poor. Unfortunately these funds are limited. Therefore, our board is forced to raise approximately $40,000 each year from community donations and private grants. Even as the MCLE struggles with its own survival, it has expanded its services to include the Emergency Shelter Project — a small mobile facility open on rainy winter nights to serve a hot meal and provide shelter for those without. Even as the MCLE goes into debt to upgrade its trailer office, it partners with local churches and schools to build benches and offer a free sandwich for those who come to work hungry. Even as the men who work through the center sit in the rain because the MCLE has no funds to build its own rain shelter, the center stays open to meet our emergency needs.

So, please join me in our own backyard to support this remarkable win-win project by sending a tax-deductible tribute during this season of giving or by participating in the “Two Fly First Class” raffle.

For the reality is that this unique program cannot continue “Helping Others to Help Themselves” without spiritual and financial support. Once again, I invite you to join me.

Faith, hope, love.

Martin Sheen

honorary board member

Malibu Community Labor Exchange