By Burt Ross
No, no! This column has nothing to do with the “Twelve Days of Christmas.” I am fully aware that Christmas is in our rearview mirror. This column is all about what presidential candidates promise they are going to do on their very first day in office. They all promise that miraculously, in just one day, the world will somehow be vastly improved. Give me a break!
Our incoming president is no exception when it comes to promising day-one feats. He has not yet promised to abolish the FBI, the IRS, and all other departments, which can be reduced to three letters, all on day one, but the inauguration has not yet taken place, so there is still time.
He does intend on the very first day, or thereabouts, to take over the Panama Canal, purchase Greenland, make Canada our 51st state, end the war in Ukraine, create peace in the Middle East, stop drugs and undocumented immigrants from entering the country, pardon those who were convicted for the Jan. 6 insurrection, and oh so much more. I am exhausted just listening to it all.
We all need a dose of reality. What do you think I would do on my first day in office if I were elected President? I know exactly what I would do. I would learn where all the bathrooms are in the White House. At my age, if you have to go, you have to go. I know learning the nuclear code is important, but not nearly as important as knowing where the bathrooms are if you really need to answer nature’s call.
I would like to ask those who intend to do everything on the first day what they plan to do on the second day and during the rest of their term. I think this is a perfectly legitimate question. If they can do everything in the initial 24 hours, then why don’t we have a constitutional amendment and reduce the president’s four-year term to just one day? Sounds about right to me.