Blog: Animal Abuse

I love wildlife just as much as the next man, but there has to be a limit. If an animal misuses or abuses my property, I think it only fair there be some just compensation. If that is not in our Constitution, it should be. I have animals taking advantage of me, and it just doesn’t seem right.

Let me illustrate my point with recent cases of animal abuse. (Abuse by animals, not to animals.) For months I have been noticing feces on the walk to my pool. Experts tell me that a coyote is blessing my pool area with his generous deposits. With all my property, why this coyote feels compelled to relieve himself on my walk is beyond comprehension. He literally walks through fruit trees and a field of lavender only to take one look at my pool, and apparently in his excitement, lets forth.

Now you might say I am prejudging this critter. Perhaps it is not a coyote after all. Perhaps I am just allowing my imagination to run wild. It could be no more than a neighbor’s dog who feels like sharing his wealth. Well, this morning there he was in full daylight — a straggly coyote, inspecting my home as if it were for sale and he a prospective buyer. The arrogance of this cur. I asked him to leave, and he simply ignored me until I clapped my hands together making a loud noise. He reluctantly left as if somehow he belonged here not me. 

As if this were not enough, I now have to suffer indignities from the likes of birds. A pair of small birds (somewhere in size between a hawk and a hummingbird) nest each year around this time right next to my front entrance. The other day I noticed them hopping on top of the side mirrors of my two cars and pecking away furiously at the mirrors.  

These birdbrains obviously think they are looking at another bird — perhaps a threat — and peck away. No matter how hard I try to dislodge them, they sit on their newfound perches and peck away. My side mirrors are starting to look the worse for wear, to say nothing of the bird droppings which now coat both cars. 

And, of course, there are the two ducks who think my swimming pool is a perfect substitute for a pond. The Pacific Ocean is obviously not large enough for these fowl. They need to take over my swimming hole.

I think it is about time for those of us who object to people abusing animals to also care about animals abusing people. I can only take so much more of this. Before too long, animals will force me to abandon my home and to surrender to this wildlife invasion.