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Who gets last laugh?

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Mr. Fakehany has done it again. Just viewed the local city cable channel and heard his declaration to the Malibu City Council on the general bond issue to be placed on the ballot in November.

Rolled with amusement at Tom’s tongue-in-cheek delivery. Did Councilman [Ken] Kearsley’s face turn red.

From what I heard and saw, Fakehany’s declaration of disagreement on behalf of the Lily’s Coffee Group was not against kids, as an angry Kearsley claimed, but giving the Malibu City Council a blank check for $15,000,000.

M. Scott

Quit horsing around

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The tribal wisdom of the Malibu Coastal Indians, passed on from council to council, says that when you discover that you are riding a deceased bond proposition, the best strategy is to dismount.

B. Grant

Timing is everything

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They say that wisdom comes with age.

The truth is, I haven’t noticed it.

If anything, resignation comes with age. If resignation is the same thing as wisdom, then I guess we get smarter as we get older.

What you have as you get older is the benefit of having lived through a few cycles of everything, so you’re resigned to the fact that things change. Therefore, you are not so quick to jump on the bandwagon, or that fast to jump off. And you know that what goes up, invariably goes down and vice versa. It’s amazing how smart everybody is on an up market and how dumb they get on a down market.

For example, when the high-tech market was red hot, I could never figure out why everyone thought it was all so great, particularly since the dot-com world didn’t seem to be making a lot of money, or, for that matter, any money.

People just seemed to be spending a lot of money. I had a few 20-somethings explain to me, in patronizing detail, that I was just incurably an “old thinker” and just about hopelessly mired in outdated economics. These 20-somethings declare the new Holy Grail is “market share.”

I could never understand how owning a 50 percent share of a money-losing market was somehow twice as good as owning a 25 percent share of a money-losing market. Apparently I was absent from school the day it was explained.

But like everyone else, I got caught up in the headiness of spiraling stock prices and figured, why not?

I really should of known better.

Karen and I went to a launch party for a dot-com company at Skybar at the Mondrian Hotel on the Sunset Strip. The party cost a fortune. The expensive champagne flowed. The place was populated with young, handsome Hollywood boys who were all so “au courant.” The girls were gorgeous with necklines cut down to their navels. It’s an inflexible rule–the lower the necklines of the hostess at the kick-off party, the higher the risk of investment.

The event was covered on streaming video, online and there was enough high-tech equipment to launch a spacecraft. The next giveaway [that this was a risky investment] was that Karen had a client who actually wanted to advertise on the dot-com company’s Web site and she spent the next few weeks trying to get a rate card and finally gave up when none was forthcoming.

Whatever was in their business plan apparently didn’t include doing business.

Fortunately we never put any money into it because there was a line-up of very smart venture capitalists throwing money at it already and the company didn’t want us. Thank heavens.

I know it’s always easy to look back and see with perfect clarity that the emperor had no clothes and it’s a lot tougher to do it prospectively. Still, I’m going to go out on a limb and make some predictions.

  • It’s a safe bet to say the economy is going to shrink 10 percent or 20 percent and then it’s going to start on the slow road back. It needs that time so people can once again remember that stock prices don’t double every 20 minutes, and no one’s net worth can multiply geometrically, unless of course you’re in the energy business. But then, of course, you always risk being indicted.
  • In the meantime, the pundits who previously were predicting a 30,000 Dow are going to be talking about the coming depression. They were wrong before and they’ll be wrong again.
  • Some people are going to make money on the fall and again on the rise. Timing is everything and some people are really good at it. Unfortunately, I’m not very good at it, as I suspect most of you are not. Some people are really good at money. Recognize it’s a very rare skill, which is why it’s so profitable.
  • The President’s going to take it on the chin a bit because the leader always gets credit for the ups and the blame for the downs, and there’s probably not a lot he can do about it either way.
  • The talk show hosts will continue to shout at each other about the down economy and whose fault it is and it will mean just about as much as it meant before in the up economy.
  • And lastly, if any of you have a really good stock tip for this new economy, please, don’t tell me.

$15 million bond measure proponents rally for support

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Supporters of the $15 million open-land bond measure are gathering forces, hoping to gain a two-thirds vote and find consensus with the opposition to the bond before voters go to the polls in November.

Money from the bond will help the city acquire open space; thereby preserving the semi-rural atmosphere that currently exists in Malibu, according to bond executive committee members.

But specifics, such as what land should be purchased and what exactly will be done with it, are not part of the ballot’s language yet because sellers could renege and prices could change, said supporters of the bond. Supporters plan to campaign tirelessly in an attempt to gain the trust and participation of voters despite the opposition’s claim that the bond language is too broad.

“We can’t be too specific for legal reasons,” said Councilmember Tom Hasse. “The council is both the regulator of the property through zoning land-use laws, and the potential purchaser of the property.

“Because of that dual role, if you list specifically which properties you’re interested in, you have the potential of altering their value,” explained Hasse.

The City Council approved the bond and its language at a July 9 council meeting.

Bond supporters, who include Mona Loo, chair of the bond executive committee, Deirdre Roney and Lloyd Ahern, two of the five members on the committee, said citizens who are concerned about the lack of specificity can and should go to the City Council to express their preferences and concerns.

So far, it has been established that 85 percent of the money will be used to buy land and 15 percent ($2,250,000) will be used for improvements and construction, which could include the creation of ball fields and playgrounds or a community center.

Steering committee members said they do not want to over- promise, instead, they hope to keep working together with the community and the council who will ultimately decide what to do with the money on behalf of voters.

“People should vote yes on the bond because it’s Malibu’s turn to take responsibility for it’s own future” said Ahern. “It gives a $15 million seat at the table with all this development coming up.”

Roney echoed Ahern’s sentiment.

“We think everybody should be for this bond,” she said. “The city can’t keep asking the state for money,” she continued. “Do we care enough to save ourselves?”

Loo said: “We, as a city government, are looked upon by the county and the state as these dysfunctional adolescents who only ask for things but never want to come forward with our own money. But now that the city can help itself, if we fail, we fail big.”

As of September, supporters will have a full campaign with headquarters and phone numbers accessible to voters who have questions about the bond.

“We will solicit everyone’s thought and hope for full participation,” said Ahern.

After the vote, the public’s participation will continue because people will have the opportunity to give input regarding the bond money’s usage, he said.

“We have the best chance in this bond to control our destiny since we voted for cityhood 10 years ago. It’s taxes compared to over-development,” said Ahern.

The reason it’s important, is that the money may be matched by state and county funds or grant money, said Ahern.

The coalition supporting the bond is made up of conservationists, recreationists, and parents and families who do not always agree and have been known to differ in the past. But on the bond, they agree.

“It worked so far because every single cat remained in the barn,” said Roney.

Despite the challenges, the proponents understand that a little adversity can be good and is inevitable. “If John Harlow didn’t exist, we would have to create him,” said Ahern.

At this point, opponents and supporters have not talked directly but, Roney said supporters intend to do so in an attempt to come together.

“I want to find out and address what the opposition’s concerns are,” said Roney.

“If the opposition wants to get specific, what would the specificity be?” she asked.

“That’s what’s going to happen after the bond passes anyway,” said Roney. “There is no reason why we can’t start that process now.”

S.T.A.R camp–key to crime prevention

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The sheriff’s department is synonymous with law enforcement, correction and response to crime after it happens.

But L.A. County’s sheriff’s deputies have yet another weapon in their arsenal–prevention aimed at young elementary and middle school aged children.

“Why do the sheriffs take kids to camp?” asked a deputy at on the first morning of camp. “To keep them focused on the future and keep them off drugs,” he answered.

Among the many programs offered by the Sheriff’s Youth Foundation’s S.T.A.R. (Success Through Awareness & Resistance) program are two-week-long camp sessions that focus on enabling local youth to resist drugs and crime, and keep them focused instead on a productive future.

Last week, 110 children from age 7 to about 12 attended the first of two weekly sessions at Camp Calamigos in the Santa Monica Mountains.

S.T.A.R. deputies who, during the year, visit local schools, educating children about drugs and crime prevention, lead the campers in the mountains above Malibu through a fun and lesson-oriented curriculum, touching on a variety of subjects such as Internet safety and martial arts.

Camp organizers also cater daily lunches and snacks and take the children on field trips to Magic Mountain, Point Mugu Naval Base, or a Dodger game.

The Sheriff’s Youth Foundation was created in 1985 based upon the belief that crime prevention programs focused on youth are the key to developing safer communities.

Dog attacks — the aftermath

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In San Francisco a lacrosse coach’s neck is torn, clothes ripped to pieces by huge dogs, leaving her to die.

A 10-year-old boy’s ears are bitten and chewed off by pit bulls in Oakland.

In March, a woman is attacked by three Rottweilers while viewing property in Malibu, leaving her with puncture wounds from her head to her feet.

Another Malibu resident and a companion up in Latigo Canyon are knocked off their motorcycle when a Great Dane attacks them.

And just a few weeks ago, a Malibu resident’s face is left scarred and her leg seriously injured, facing plastic surgery after she is attacked by Dobermans on the beach.

In what seems like continuous news reports of attacks, bites and threatening dogs, residents have expressed concern over what happens after an incident like those described above.

Sgt. Frank Bongiorno, animal control officer from the Lost Hills Animal Control and Shelter, said it all depends on the circumstances.

In the San Francisco death of lacrosse coach Diane Whipple on Jan. 26, the two owners of the hybrid Canary-mastiffs were jailed and indicted in March. Marjorie Knoller, who was present during the attack, faces second-degree murder charges for Whipple’s death. Both she and her husband, Noel, face charges of involuntary manslaughter and keeping a mischievous dog that killed a human being.

In the case of the woman attacked by Rotweilers in Malibu, the owners of the dogs decided to put the dogs to sleep, without a court order.

“[The dogs] were a male, its mate and a male offspring,” said Bongiorno, which he said contributed to “heavy pack mode” among the three Rotweilers.

The owner of the dog who was present during the attack said she could not control the dogs when they attacked, according to Bongiorno. Fearing another episode like that, she brought her husband to the shelter to speak with Bongiorno about what to do with the dogs.

“Once a dog has attacked, most likely it will do it again,” said Bongiorno.

When animal control receives a call about a bite or attack, the first thing that is done is to control the animal. Many times, said Bongiorno, the dog is left in the care of the owner, as long as they can demonstrate that the dog can be contained within their property.

The woman passenger on the motorcycle that was attacked by the Great Dane had more than $75,000 in medical expenses, according to Deputy District Attorney Michael Wilson, stationed in Malibu.

Wilson said that in a case of a dog attack, it should be reported to law enforcement, the dog quarantined and the case delivered to the District Attorney’s office.

Bongiorno said, following an investigation and determination that the Great Dane was a community hazard, the owners have been cited into court and the dog quarantined on their property.

Bongiorno said that the attack of the Malibu resident by Dobermans is still under investigation.

According to Title 10 of the L.A. County Code, if a dog has been determined to pose a threat to public safety, an animal control or law enforcement officer can seize and impound the animal until a hearing can take place.

If the dog is later determined to be potentially dangerous or vicious, the owner is liable for all costs and expenses related to keeping the dog impounded.

A dog is determined to be potentially dangerous if, within a 36 month period, on two separate occasions, has caused a person to defend themselves when off the property of the owner of the dog; when unprovoked, bites a person, causing injury; or has killed, seriously bitten, inflicted injury or otherwise causes injury to another animal.

A “vicious dog” definition, according to Title 10, is determined if the dog has been found to engage or be trained in fighting; if it inflicts severe injury or kills a person; or if it was previously listed as a potentially dangerous dog and it continues behavior as listed under the dangerous dog determination.

Or, in some cases, if the dog poses an immediate threat and cannot be contained, the dog could immediately be put to death (as in the case in Santa Ana where a bull mastiff-Rottweiler was hunted down and shot by police after it mauled a woman.)

Whether the accused dog has bitten another animal or a person, the owner of the dog can be charged with a misdemeanor, which would leave the person with a permanent criminal record.

The court can also order the dog put to death as one of the dogs that attacked the lacrosse coach was.

MALIBU SEEN

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COURT JESTERS

Malibu’s Kelsey Grammer hit the tennis court to help pal David Foster raise $100,000 for his MusicCares Financial Assistance Fund at the opening event of the Mercedes Benz Cup. The annual “Night at the Net” fundraiser at UCLA serves up lots of laughs as well as professional tennis.

After a VIP cocktail party sponsored by MusicCares, guests made their way to UCLA’s Los Angeles Tennis Center and settled into their seats, joining a sellout crowd of 7,000. Every year, funnymen like Robin Williams and Billy Crystal team up with the world’s top pros for a tennis experience that is like no other.

This year’s match had Grammer, “Saturday Night Live” alum David Spade, Greg Kinnear and Matthew Perry, rotating in and out with powerhouses Pete Sampras and Andre Agassi.

With their off-the-cuff quips, wacky lobs, lopsided serves, long shots, dinkers and drops, the stars of “Just Shoot Me,” “Fraiser” and “Friends” made for an evening as entertaining as their popular sitcoms.

“How would you like it?” queried Agassi, whose serves top 100 miles per hour.

“Oh, about 45 and right in the middle,” Grammer replied.

“I don’t think it will make it there at 45,” answered Agassi.

For the most part, the pros took it easy on the celebrity partners. But the stars did manage to get in a few good shots. When Perry missed his first serve, Spade quipped from the sidelines, “You serve like a girlie little girl.” But Perry aced his opponent the second time around, to which Spade replied, “An angry little girl.”

The stars sat through some final points while Sampras and Agassi took some real shots. It was close, but team Spade came out on top, winning the game 21-20 and laughing all the way.

DALI HIGH

Meantime, lovers of prolific surrealist Salvador Dali got a fascinating eyeful of cropped torsos, melting clocks and oversized insects at the opening night kickoff of the artist’s exhibition at UCLA. Art enthusiasts joined Dr. Stephen Cederbaum for a sneak peek at the show, while helping raise money for the university’s School of Medicine. The gallery walls were filled to the brim with oil paintings, watercolors, drawings, prints, sculpture and tapestries, which made up the largest Dali exhibit ever shown in Los Angeles.

THE PLAY’S THE THING

Locals like Donna Mills and Ed Begley Jr. have been among those making the theater rounds these days. From glitzy productions like “Contact” at the Ahmanson, to the Black Box Theater’s hysterical one-woman show, “Note to Self,” to the lavish “La Bayadere,” the curtains are calling to keep you cool during the dog days of summer.

How ’bout the poor folk

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Ovations to the Lily’s Cafe Group for challenging the City of Malibu’s boisterous political circles.

From scrutinizing the generality of the text in the proposed $15,000,000 bond issue, I observe that the bond money may be used for low-income housing.

Has the City of Malibu taken into consideration in their master plan low-income housing using these bond moneys? Can the Coastal Commission direct the $15,000,000 bond money to be used for low-income housing or at least the $2,500,000 set aside for development? We poor struggling out-of-work actors want to know.

Ed N. Peterson

Glitterati vs. litterati

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Having recently relocated from the mountains of Colorado to the ocean at Malibu, one of the most remarkable things I have noticed is the incredible amount of roadside trash. I would wager that there is more litter along PCH in the burg of Malibu than there is along all of the highways and byways of the city of Colorado Springs. Even the Interstates in Denver look pristine in comparison to the Malibu mess. Although some of the sections of PCH are ‘adopted’ for litter control, I have yet to witness any systematic clean-ups. Some areas have not been picked up during the several months that we have lived here; e.g. there is a bag of trash near Geoffrey’s (easily identifiable by its gingham contents spewing forth) that has been there for weeks. There are other examples too numerous to list.

What’s up? If Malibu can pay its administrators such handsome salaries, how about sufficient funding for litter control and enforcement of the anti-litter law? Maybe we should emulate Texas’ anti-litter campaign –“Don’t Mess with Malibu”– which should strike fear in the litter-culprits! More seriously, I would invite the politicos to get out of their offices, the glitterati to get out of their limos, the stupendously rich to come out from behind their walls, and the remaining nine Malibuites to get out and join me in adopting a small portion of roadway to keep clean. One hour a week would make an enormous difference. On Sunday afternoon, I filled one garbage bag with paper and plastic, and didn’t move more than 20 feet! It seems as though stewardship of the earth is an unfamiliar concept to many Californians–let’s learn it, live it and model it for future generations.

Douglas Swartzendruber

British Virgins:

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Come! Sail with me the Spanish Sea

Deep-strewn with pirate plunder

Now on a tack, now running free,

Now the lee rail rolling under!

Again to hold a wheel on course

With bow wash flying aft,

And match a rainsquall’s sudden force

On a yawing pitching craft

Aboard once more a heeling deck

As trade winds bloat the sails,

We’ll beat close-hauled by Deadman’s Neck

And revel in the gales

That churn the emerald waters white

And, keening through the shrouds,

Scrub clean the sky o’er Norman’s Bight

With clumps of cotton clouds.

Northwest we’ll sail a steady reach

To moor off Jost Van Dyke

Then steer the dinghy from boat to beach.

For a grainy barefoot hike

Along the sand to Foxy’s Bar …

Dirt floor and palm thatch roof …

Foxy’s Ballads … his old guitar,

And rum that’s 200 proof.

We’ll drop our hook in Fat Hogs’ Bay

Where Blackbeard berthed his bunch

We’ll toast the sunset from Sandy Cay

With shipmates and hard rum punch.

Baked by the sun! Caked by spray!

Raked by tropical rain!

Tired of hauling on lines all day!

… Oh, to do it again!

Bill Dowey