Blog: A Rough Night

Burt Ross

My bride and I have been together for over 38 years, and we have shared the same bed during that time. We hold each other throughout the night, and every now and then in a magnificently choreographed motion we rotate from one side to the other. We uncouple, turn 180 degrees as one, and then hold each other once again. Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers would envy our coordinated movement.           

You might think that this marital bliss is without a hiccup, but, of course, you would be wrong. Occasionally one of us pulls the sheet and comforter with greater strength than the other one does. The result is one of us monopolizes the covering. The results of this tug of war are sometimes not known until we awake. 

One morning I woke up rather chilled to find that I was completely uncovered. My bride was also without sheet or comforter, but that did not stop me from accusing her, “Honey, why did you pull everything off of me?”

“I did no such thing,” was the quick response. I should have quit while I may not have been ahead, but at least, I was not behind. “You pulled everything your way, and I am cold.” There was a pause and then more silence. Silence is most often not good for the home team.

Finally the response came, “Honey, where are the sheets and comforter?” I initially felt this was a fair and pertinent question. I looked around and sure enough, right on the floor by my side of the bed, was a heap containing said sheets and comforter.  I reported my findings to my bride, for some reasoning not understanding this was evidence, but again not for the home team.

 “Honey, if the pile is on the floor on your side of the bed, then how could I have been the one who did all the pulling?”

Sherlock Holmes has nothing on my bride. All I could say in response was, “Hmm,” and once again the home team lost.