Blog: Marital Advice for Men

I haven’t a clue why I venture forth where angels fear to dread—especially when I don’t have any idea what I am talking about—but that unfortunately has never stopped me before now. Fellow genderalists (a new word created by me for the sole purpose of describing all members of a particular gender), read what I am about to write and learn from it.

When I was back East in the “old country” on my semi-annual pilgrimage to visit friends and family and to soak in some humidity, a friend proclaimed that he would like to see Michelle Wie naked. 

I would not recognize Ms. Wie in any state of dress or undress. She is apparently a young, attractive golfer, and that is all I know about her. My friend, who is at least half a century older than Ms. Wie, has about as much chance of seeing her naked as I do climbing Mount Everest. To put that in some context, I struggle to get from my living quarters to my second floor.

The problem with what my friend said is in whose presence he said it. His wife was standing right there when he uttered his desire, and to engage in gross understatement, she was not amused one little bit.

Now here is where the advice comes in. You might think that with a world population approaching seven billion people, there are at least 3.5 billion women out there, and you would be dead wrong. If you are married, there is only one woman out there, and you are married to her. You are not to look at other women, and certainly not to wish to see them naked. 

Be careful about what you say in your wife’s presence, because even well-intentioned remarks can put you straight into the doghouse. For instance, if you tell your wife she is more and more beautiful each day, you run the risk that she might interpret this to mean she was once not attractive. You can’t win, so keep your trap shut!

As for my friend who wished to see Ms. Wie au naturel, let me assure you of one thing—it will be quite some time before he sees his wife naked.

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