Blog: Rubble Without a Cause

Burt Ross

If you believe it is too early to laugh or smile, then don’t read this blog. For me, it is never too soon to laugh. Laughter gets me through the dark days, and these days have most assuredly been dark. So, here goes:

I have never been a “why me” kind of guy. When I had polio at the age of seven and spent five months in the hospital, I never asked, “Why me?” And when I lost millions in the Bernie Madoff scandal, again I never asked, “Why me?” 

But when my home went up in flames and the houses of my two next door neighbors remained intact, I admit I was a bit curious as to what happened. Initially, I thought the rubble might be without a cause. I don’t understand most things scientific, so I can’t get my hands around atmospheric pressure, barometric pressure, humidity, wind direction, etc. I was looking for a more unscientific explanation of why my home is no more, and I think I found it.

A few weeks ago, I mentioned to my bride that I was becoming a bit bored with life. God, who has extremely good hearing—make that impeccable hearing—listened carefully and said to his assistant, “Mr. Ross [God apparently does not know me on a first name basis] is at it again. He never stops whining and kvetching [God speaks Yiddish fluently]. He never stops bitching about one thing or another. Let’s shut him up once and for all. If Mr. Ross is bored, let’s end his boredom.”

His assistant obviously takes God quite literally and hurled some lightning directly at my home. I can say unequivocally that God achieved his goal, as he always does. I have rarely been so busy. Buying everything from socks to shampoo, meeting with insurance adjusters, finding a place to sleep at night—oh yes, I am as busy as a beaver. And I can assure all who will listen that I will never complain of boredom again, so help me God.