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Confidentially, it sinks

Two lucky patrons of the Malibu Creek Dry Fly Club’s upcoming fundraiser, June 31, at Neptune’s Net will win a gala trip for two on the maiden voyage of the new luxury cruise line HMS Gigantic, the longest ship ever built. The bow will depart Southampton next April 10 and the stern will leave April 11 for a record run across the North Atlantic. No return schedule has been announced. Warned of icebergs, officials of the line explained that steel blades running the length of the hull will enable the ship to skate across such obstacles. In command will be Captain George Washington Brown, described by his biographer as “first in war, first in peace and first in the nearest lifeboat.” Known affectionately as “Unsinkable Georgie Brown” he has been in command and sole survivor of 15 shipwrecks. He wrote the authoritative book on cruising entitled “Don’t Spit Into the Wind to Spite Your Face.”

Although considered the safest ship ever launched, no detail in the event of calamity has been overlooked. The cruise will carry 20 probate lawyers who will, in the event of emergency, help procrastinators with last minute wills and codicils. “No one need die intestate,” the shop’s brochure explains. Each stateroom will include a bottle and cork of genuine Waterford crystal to float documents and notes to loved ones. This innovation is called float-mail.

Recreation facilities include shuffleboard, ping pong, and a full-size baseball diamond, the latter having inspired the L.A. Dodgers to transfer their spring training from Vero Beach to the Gigantic. The vessel has three swimming pools, popularly referred to as “The Great Lakes.” Each pool boasts its own lifeboats, equipped with state-of-the-art navigation instruments, as well as individual five-day survival kits of truffles, champagne and caviar.

Departure will be high-noon following a fabulous bon voyage party sponsored by the Deepwater Salvage Company. In addition to a special performance of the “Ice Capades,” each evening a rock group, “The Unfathomables,” will play in the octogenarian salon such old favorites as “Red Flares in the Sunset,” “Nearer My God to Thee” and “Goin’ Home.” The Gigantic’s great size worries many oceanographers who fear that its displacement of 40 billion tons may disastrously flood the port of Los Angeles. “That’s progress,” said the mayor of San Francisco.

This door prize is donated by the American Lifeboat Company. Their motto–“Shipwrecks R Us.”

Bill Dowey

13StarsManager
13StarsManagerhttps://malibutimes.com
The Malibu Times is the first newspaper in Malibu, serving the community since 1946.

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