Imagine that just about the time your grandparents were getting ready to celebrate their 65th wedding anniversary, your 95-year-old grandfather decides to come out of the closet. That’s exactly what happened to Malibu native Brandon Gross, who decided to make a documentary short on the subject featuring his two grandparents, calling it “On My Way Out: The Secret Life of Nani and Popi.” Brandon was joined in his filmmaking effort by his brother Skyler and mother Lilli, who still lives on Point Dume.
After starting work on the documentary, fate stepped in. Gross just happened to run into former Point Dume neighbor Howie Mandel at a business meeting. As they were catching up after the meeting, Gross talked about his documentary project, and Mandel liked it so much that he came on board as executive producer.
The story of a man who kept the secret of who he really was for almost a century resonated with Mandel.
“My soapbox is about stigma over being ashamed to admit things—it speaks to humanity and the need to respect others, and how people suffer,” he explained in a phone interview. “It’s about being honest about who we are without fear of being judged by others.”
Mandel said Gross had been working on a “lighthearted” doc when he came to know his grandfather’s secret.
“Brandon told me [he] had started off doing a lighthearted documentary about the dating scene, and was going to start it off with his grandparents, both Holocaust survivors, to find out the secret to a happy 65-year marriage,” Mandel described. In the process of doing that, the grandfather’s secret came out. “I said, ‘You have to finish this and I’d like to produce it.’
“The film was incredibly well-received at the Toronto International Film Festival two months ago,” he added.
“You’ll see comedy and tragedy—[the grandparents] have a good sense of humor, and there are moments when you smile,” Mandel described. “It’s a tragedy because we realize that even today we can’t live everywhere and be honest about ourselves.”
Mandel described the short as “one of the most important things” he’s been involved with in his long career. That’s saying a lot coming from a guy who’s been a successful actor, comedian and television personality for decades, most recently as game show host of “Deal or No Deal” and judge on “America’s Got Talent.”
Mandel kept his own secrets for many years, which he said was one of the reasons he related so strongly to the closeted grandparent. His secret, which he finally wrote about in his 2010 memoir, was that he suffers from OCD, anxiety, depression and adult ADHD.
Gross said his grandfather’s disclosure was revealed to just about everyone in the family at the same time, which included two daughters and their husbands, and five grown grandchildren.
“It’s been an amazing journey as a family,” he said.
When asked why he thought his grandfather came out at that late age, Gross said, “I think he decided to live by the ethos, ‘The truth will set me free.’
“I think the weight of the secret was bearing on his soul, and it became too much,” Gross continued. “I think he wanted his family to know who he really was, and I think my grandmother felt that as well—it was time to set the secret free.”
Lilli, Brandon’s mother, is listed as a producer on the film.
“She was instrumental in getting her parents to open up,” he said.
For her part, Lilli said she did not see the revelation coming.
“I was very, very surprised. It took me awhile to process the information, and I realized I had so many aha moments looking back on my life,” she described.
Brandon has nothing but praise for Mandel.
“He has so much creative insight and he’s quite a force of nature. He’s on fire—his energy and enthusiasm is infectious.”
“I’m very excited to get to share this documentary with the Malibu community, which is like our extended family,” Lilli added.
“I do feel sharing is caring, and that’s what this movie is,” Mandel noted. “We need to be there for each other and respect each other.”
“On My Way Out” will be shown at the Malibu Film Society on Tuesday, Nov. 21 at 7:30 p.m., with the audience Q&A with Howie Mandel and Brandon and Lilli Gross. Visit malibufilmsociety.org for more info.
