Malibu politicians are apprehensive of the local press. The same way bullfighting effects a savageness upon Mexico, local news headlines by your publication of council meetings, taxes, bureaucratic pork-belly, z-traffic, hidden Malibu city fees and obvious simple-mindedness weekly demoralizes the Malibu public. I usually have trouble finding my letters to the editor in The Malibu Times because of the curious headlines that your staff writers bestow upon these articles. As a youth I believed that headlines were created by corduroy pillows, now I know better. Your banner introducing “Deconstructing Tom,” (July 16, 1998) was clever, well though out and certainly drew my attention. While I have never taken Headlines 101 at a university of journalistic distinction, I note with merriment your resourceful headlines along with those of other local Southern California newspapers over the last 18 months or so. Dear Editor can you surmise which of the below headlines were created by the quick-witted Malibu Times staff?
Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says
Lost Hills Sheriff’s Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers
Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
Drunk Gets Nine Months In Freezer Case
China Head Seeks Arms
Prostitutes Appeal To Pope
Panda Mating Fails; Local Veterinarian Takes Over
Eye Drops Off Shelf
Ban On Soliciting Dead In Los Angeles
Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
Clinton Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead
Enraged Seal Injures Fisherman With Axe
City Maintenance Workers Refuse To Work After Death
Stolen Getty Painting Found By Tree
Killer Sentenced To Die For Second Time In 10 Years
War Dims Hope For Peace
If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last A While
Heat Wave Linked To Temperatures
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
Man Struck By Lightning Faces Charge
Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas In Spacecraft
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Local Malibu High School Dropouts Cut In Half
Tom Fakehany
Editors’ note: None.