24 heads are better than none

Malibu politicians are apprehensive of the local press. The same way bullfighting effects a savageness upon Mexico, local news headlines by your publication of council meetings, taxes, bureaucratic pork-belly, z-traffic, hidden Malibu city fees and obvious simple-mindedness weekly demoralizes the Malibu public. I usually have trouble finding my letters to the editor in The Malibu Times because of the curious headlines that your staff writers bestow upon these articles. As a youth I believed that headlines were created by corduroy pillows, now I know better. Your banner introducing “Deconstructing Tom,” (July 16, 1998) was clever, well though out and certainly drew my attention. While I have never taken Headlines 101 at a university of journalistic distinction, I note with merriment your resourceful headlines along with those of other local Southern California newspapers over the last 18 months or so. Dear Editor can you surmise which of the below headlines were created by the quick-witted Malibu Times staff?

Include Your Children When Baking Cookies

Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says

Lost Hills Sheriff’s Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers

Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

Drunk Gets Nine Months In Freezer Case

China Head Seeks Arms

Prostitutes Appeal To Pope

Panda Mating Fails; Local Veterinarian Takes Over

Eye Drops Off Shelf

Ban On Soliciting Dead In Los Angeles

Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

Clinton Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead

Enraged Seal Injures Fisherman With Axe

City Maintenance Workers Refuse To Work After Death

Stolen Getty Painting Found By Tree

Killer Sentenced To Die For Second Time In 10 Years

War Dims Hope For Peace

If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last A While

Heat Wave Linked To Temperatures

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

Man Struck By Lightning Faces Charge

Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas In Spacecraft

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Local Malibu High School Dropouts Cut In Half

Tom Fakehany

Editors’ note: None.

The Malibu Times is the first newspaper in Malibu, serving the community since 1946.

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