24 heads are better than none

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    Malibu politicians are apprehensive of the local press. The same way bullfighting effects a savageness upon Mexico, local news headlines by your publication of council meetings, taxes, bureaucratic pork-belly, z-traffic, hidden Malibu city fees and obvious simple-mindedness weekly demoralizes the Malibu public. I usually have trouble finding my letters to the editor in The Malibu Times because of the curious headlines that your staff writers bestow upon these articles. As a youth I believed that headlines were created by corduroy pillows, now I know better. Your banner introducing “Deconstructing Tom,” (July 16, 1998) was clever, well though out and certainly drew my attention. While I have never taken Headlines 101 at a university of journalistic distinction, I note with merriment your resourceful headlines along with those of other local Southern California newspapers over the last 18 months or so. Dear Editor can you surmise which of the below headlines were created by the quick-witted Malibu Times staff?

    Include Your Children When Baking Cookies

    Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says

    Lost Hills Sheriff’s Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers

    Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

    Drunk Gets Nine Months In Freezer Case

    China Head Seeks Arms

    Prostitutes Appeal To Pope

    Panda Mating Fails; Local Veterinarian Takes Over

    Eye Drops Off Shelf

    Ban On Soliciting Dead In Los Angeles

    Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

    Clinton Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead

    Enraged Seal Injures Fisherman With Axe

    City Maintenance Workers Refuse To Work After Death

    Stolen Getty Painting Found By Tree

    Killer Sentenced To Die For Second Time In 10 Years

    War Dims Hope For Peace

    If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last A While

    Heat Wave Linked To Temperatures

    Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

    Man Struck By Lightning Faces Charge

    Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas In Spacecraft

    Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

    Local Malibu High School Dropouts Cut In Half

    Tom Fakehany

    Editors’ note: None.