Parents are teaming up through support groups to face the often hard facts about drug use among teenagers, and ultimately communicate better with their children.
By Michelle Logsdon /Special to The Malibu Times
Josh (not his real name), a Malibu High School student, was barely a teenager when he started smoking marijuana to fit in at school and dull his emotional pain after his parents divorced. “It was hard because of my relationship with my father and the fact that I was at a new school,” he said.
Josh’s drug use led to minor criminal behavior that landed him in front of a juvenile court judge. The judge recognized that Josh was involved in drugs and mandated that he and his mother attend a parent/teen support group. Josh’s mother, Helen (not her real name), still did not think he was doing drugs.
“I was really righteous at first, thinking I didn’t need to be there,” Helen admitted. “Then I saw that people’s circumstances were different but our stories ran the same course.” Helen and Josh both agree the group changed their lives. Meeting other parents with similar problems gave Helen a forum where she felt no guilt or shame. The same held true for Josh.
The group Helen and Josh attended (and still attend) is called Promises to Parents in Santa Monica. “We are motivated by love and try to help parents not feel ashamed, but have faith in their kids and communicate with them,” said Certified Addiction Specialist Susie Spain, who runs the parent side of the meeting.
Spain is a consultant for the Santa Monica-Malibu Unified School District. The group, sponsored by Promises Treatment Center in Malibu, is open to all families in the district.
Locally, Malibu High School Principal Michael Matthews, together with marriage and family therapist Roy Ettenger, created a networking group called Parent2Parent.
Meetings take place monthly at Malibu High School to discuss a variety of topics including peer pressure, drugs, alcohol, sex and communication skills. Ettenger leads the discussions and plans activities for the attendees such as watching films and listening to panels.
Matthews and Ettenger started the first group for parents of sixth-graders because they both had children entering that grade in school. The sixth-grade group was so successful there are now meetings for parents of seventh- and eighth-graders as well.
As a principal and a parent, Matthews said substance abuse is one of his biggest concerns. “The number of students who have developed dependency problems seems to grow each year,” Matthews said. “The types of drugs, even the marijuana that students use, is so much more potent than in the past that it is truly a whole new game. And it is a deadly game.”
Ettenger points out that the key to avoiding the landmines of drugs and alcohol is communication and honesty between parents and their children as well as among all parents in the community.
“When something happens at school it spreads like wildfire among the kids, but parents do a lousy job of networking and talking to each other,” Ettenger said. “Through this group, parents meet each other, share information and feel more in control.”
Denying the problem like Helen did will not make it go away. And, according to Josh, many parents at Malibu High School need to open the communication lines with their children.
“The first day I went there I was asked to go smoke,” Josh revealed. “There is just about anything available that you would want-weed, cocaine, mushrooms, pain killers and alcohol.”
Josh conducted his own survey on drug use for a class and found that, in their senior year, only two students he spoke to had not smoked marijuana and only 12 did not use drugs on a regular basis.
According to the 2001 California Healthy Kids Survey, students reported using the following substances at least once in the last 30 days: alcohol: grade 7 (16 percent), grade 9 (34 percent) and grade 11 (54 percent); marijuana: grade 7 (5 percent), grade 9 (22 percent) and grade 11 (36 percent).
Carmen Gonzalez, a parent whose older son went to Malibu High School and who has three other boys in middle school grades, learned through Parent2Parent meetings how to tailor her parenting style for each of her children. “Communication is very important but you can’t approach your kids in high school the same way you did when they were younger,” she said.
Gonzalez bonded with the other parents by sharing freely in the confidential meeting setting. “By listening to the other parents I learned a lot about what would and wouldn’t work in my family.”
Through groups like Parent2Parent and Promises to Parents, parents can understand their children better and find friendship and support along the way. Then if something bad does happen, the parent has a support system to fall back on.
“No family is immune to the problems of teenagers,” Gonzalez said. “Never say never because even good kids make bad decisions.”
Parent2Parent meetings for parents of seventh- and eighth-graders take place the first Sunday of every month; meetings for parents of sixth-graders are on the second Sunday of every month. The meetings are from 5 to 7 p.m. at the Malibu High School library. For more information contact Dr. Roy Ettenger at 310.451.5543.
Promises to Parents meets every Tuesday from 6 to 8 p.m. at Santa Monica High School. For more information contact Susie Spain at 310.738.0711.