Blog: I Met Her On-Line

Burt Ross

Now you need to read this very carefully so you can understand what happened the other day when I was leaving Pavilions with my daughter, son, and son’s girl friend. My son Isaac was pulling out of the parking lot when a young lady pulled in front of him blocking his departure. 

I then said, “I know that woman. I met her on-line and she has the fastest thumbs I have ever seen.” There was silence for a moment, and then my kids expressed something resembling shock, “What a thing to say. What is Mom going to say?” 

I had no idea what they were talking about. I continued obliviously, “If I were rich, I would hire her because those thumbs are out of this world.” That did not seem to bridge the gulf between me and everybody else in the car. There seemed to be unanimity that I was somehow violating my marital vows and that I was admitting to some infidelity.

“I don’t have a clue what you guys are talking about. I just met the woman a few minutes ago,” I said in my defense. “Dad,” said my daughter Kate, “You left your phone in the car.”

“What does any of this have to do with my phone? I did exactly what Mom asked me to do. I bought two bags of green beans, waited on line to pay the cashier, saw this woman texting furiously on her phone, and commented how proficient her thumbs were,” I explained.

All of a sudden there was a sense of relief in the car. “We thought you were online, not on a line, so we thought you were betraying Mom,” they said laughingly.

And so I was forgiven for my supposed transgression and will never confuse online with on line again.