Blog: Pie Fingering

Not that long ago, I attended a fundraiser for Harley Rouda, a former Malibuite and now a candidate for congress in Orange County. I happened to bump into Laraine La Monte (actually I just saw her—there was no bump.) I asked Laraine how her husband Lou was doing, and her response got me to thinking: “Lou has been very busy. He has his fingers in many pies.”

Now, just think for a moment about how odd that expression is–“fingers in many pies.” I understand what it means when you say “busy as a beaver,” because I have seen real life beavers with my own eyes and, in fact, they are absurdly busy. I cannot relate to beavers in any way, and hope I am never remotely as busy as they appear to be.

But what does having your fingers in many pies have to do with being busy? I have known our Councilman Lou La Monte pretty much since I moved here six years ago. Lou is also from New Jersey, but he is obviously smarter than I am, since he figured out light years before I did that Southern California ain’t bad.

Lou might be smarter than I am, but if he really has his fingers in many pies, then I can tell you I no longer wish to shake hands with him, nor eat any of the pies he has had his fingers in, although I truly like pies. What would motivate an otherwise sane human being to stick his fingers in one pie, let alone many pies? That is a question only Lou and other pie fingering folk can really answer.

Going forward, the next time I attend a candidate’s forum here in Malibu, the first question I am going to ask is whether if elected, the candidate will stick his or her fingers into any pies. If the answer is in the affirmative, I will withhold my support unless and until the candidate can control his or her fingers. It’s as simple as that.

I was mortified to learn that Lou was a judge at the pie festival held at the Malibu United Methodist Church this past autumn. By the way, any congregation that sponsors a pie festival is my kind of religious institution. But why in heaven’s name would a place of worship allow somebody to evaluate these delicious home baked pies when that person has a reputation for sticking his fingers into many pies? I have bought pies at the pie festival on several occasions, but going forward, I will look for Lou’s fingerprints before purchasing any more baked goods.

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