Suddenly, it’s OK to talk about money, brought out in the open at last, perhaps by Ron Lieber’s book “The Opposite of Spoiled: Raising Kids Who Are Grounded, Generous and Smart About Money.”
It’s a time when many people, who once considered themselves middle class, worry less about spoiling children than providing what they need. Wages haven’t kept up with inflation and almost nonexistent interest rates are a disincentive to save.
In the age of technology, however, many wants have become needs and providing them is costly. Lieber writes about the Land’s End rule, citing the practical clothing company as one known for quality but not over-priced high fashion.
Years ago, when I was young, my mother provided clothes that were well made but designed to remain in style forever. If we didn’t outgrow them, they were always with us. Schools that required uniforms helped and on weekends we wore jeans and t-shirts. No competition there.
I entered public high school at 12 and went shopping with $100 for the first year. Nowadays one pair of high-fashion label jeans can be twice that. I took my meager C-note to Lerner’s and Orbach’s and came away with several skirts and sweaters. Cashmere was “in” but not in my budget; lamb’s wool looked as smart and lasted longer without pilling. Anyway, I was so much younger than my classmates, I wasn’t even in the running for popularity.
The biggest problem I faced was having forgotten to save money for underwear and socks. My dad bailed me out extracting a promise not to rat on him. I didn’t, but Mom knew anyway.
Lieber discusses allowances advising parents to give $1 for each child’s year of age and that it shouldn’t be predicated on doing chores. My older sister and I got $1 per week and we had to write down what we spent it on. Saturday matinee movies, a couple of streetcar rides and a hot fudge sundae were about it. We did have to save some, although we weren’t told how much.
And like many children today, allowances are tied to chores. Mine were feeding the Great Dane and the cat, and opening and closing the heavy drapes over the French doors. If there were others, I’ve forgotten, but those few jobs made me feel important both to the pets and the family.
The results of these lessons were mixed. My older sister became more stingy, so selfish, in fact, that we made jokes about her having her original bobby pins and refusing to share a hanky to blot a bloody nose. On the other hand, I became generous with my less fortunate friends but became an avid saver. Apparently one size doesn’t fit all.
Besides, the rules have changed. Where we used to create our own entertainment, now the toys are considered needs. Do you know anyone over 12 years who doesn’t have a smart phone? A simple cell phone, like the one I still use, is needed for safety and because all the pay phones have disappeared. So who needs a smart phone to text a friend sitting across the room or the table; or to take a selfie? Get over it.
Recently my eldest grandchild asked me how I could find a word without a smartphone. I told her I had a large book called a dictionary that told me not only how a word was spelled, but also its usage (noun, verb, etc), origin or root, and every known meaning. She was shocked to learn my favorite dictionary was published in 1985 and contained no words for things invented later.
Lieber writes about delayed gratification in ways that make it seem rare. I came of age in a time when we still had to save the 30 percent down payment for a house. Perhaps we wouldn’t have experienced the financial meltdown of 2008 if that were still the case. In a time of no plastic cards, money was saved and earned double-digit interest while amassing enough to buy what one needed.
My first plastic was an American Express card, which required full payment every month. No chance of over-spending when the balance would be due in a few weeks. But my kids have also made use of prepaid cell phones, credit cards and Netflix.
To avoid raising kids who think you’re cheap, set rules, stick by them and always save.
The best way to teach is by example at home and by lessons learned at school. Every school curriculum should include fi nancial literacy, including tenancy laws, credit scores and how to write a business plan. Young entrepreneurs unite.