Trick or treat, trick or treat
Give me something good to eat
Nothing that will make me sick
Or on you I’ll play a trick.
Though I hide behind a mask
Give me everything I ask
Or I’ll soap your SUV
Drape toilet paper on your tree.
Ghosts and goblins, witches, hags
Roam the streets with plastic bags
From their neighbors they solicit
Taffy, toffee, chips and chawklit.
Candied apples, caramel corn
Chips and nuts and all food porn
It’s enough to rot their gums
Gag a maggot, pass the Tums.
Halloweenie, I’m a meanie
Won’t let grandkids roam alone
Even in our rural hamlet
They must have a chaperone.
Who knows what demented kooks
May be lurking with the spooks
Though I hate to spread alarm
I will keep them all from harm.
They must wear bright colored costumes
Masks that don’t obstruct their view
Reflective sneakers, neon stripers
And they carry flashlights, too.
In another time we raided
Neighborhoods where kids paraded
In their costumes made of sheets
Bringing home their cache of sweets.
Once we even went on horseback
Like the legends of Sleepy Hollow
Ichabod Crane, the Headless Horseman
Riding where grownups couldn’t follow.
Parents now inspect the loot
Sifting, sorting, giving the boot
To all with wrappers slightly torn
While the kids look on forlorn.
Hospitals will even x-ray
Treats that might contain sharp things
How did we ever get so cautious
Why do we fear what freedom brings?
We can’t blame this on Osama
Halloween’s become a fright
Those who do not know their neighbors
Teach their kids to fear the night.