Big ‘Bu I do

Rumors were all the rage this weekend as stargazers, paparazzi and plain folks pondered the biggest wedding since Babs and Brolin. Malibu braced itself for a media circus as beautiful people Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston prepared their beachside nuptials. We knew there would be a bash, but many vexing questions remained. Where would it be? When would it be? What would they wear?

“I heard it’s all a hoax,” griped Pete McKellar of Country Liquors. “Someone said it was on Thursday. I was getting all excited here, hoping to sell out of box cameras.”

“No way,” countered Steve Spina. “There are all these party trucks up on Encinal. This is Malibu. If it happened, you’d know. Besides,” he argued, “how many weddings take place on Thursday?”

Determined to uncover the truth, The Malibu Times went straight to the top.

“It’s definitely today,” said ET’s all-knowing executive Rick Joyce. “Lee Bacca has closed off the air space over Point Dume. It’s one thing to pull something over on the media, it’s another to get the sheriffs involved.”

Let’s face it, folks, Bill Clinton has zipped into town with Hanks, Geffin and Katzenberg in tow and garnered nary a yawn. But this — this is Brad and Jennifer.

“Did you read the Enquirer,” queried Mike Walker, gossip guru at the world’s largest tab, “we knew all about it.”

Satellite trucks roared up and down the coast as if preparing for the raid on WACO. Limos were out in force and Lost Hills called in reinforcements.

The big shindig took place on Saturday night at Marcy Carsey’s spectacular beach front estate. The place was transformed into a tented playground worthy of the gloved one himself. A huge white canvas seemed to have enough space for an expansion team while balloons the size of blimps dotted the sky.

It was a celebration done in grand Hollywood style with a reported price tag of $1 million. According to Mark Cetner, the happy couple shelled out $350,000 for a party planner and glorious grub, $300,000 on lighting and party rentals, $100,000 for security and $75,000 for flowers. Friends in attendance included Courtney Cox, Lisa Kudrow and David Schwimmer. The evening wrapped up with a bang and a $20,000 fireworks display.

One could only imagine what was taking place inside. The media didn’t have much of a chance. They were kept far away on a bluff near Encinal Canyon, missing out on much of the glitz and glam.

The evening seemed to sail along smoothly without a parachute-happy party crasher in sight. In the end, the throngs of telescopic lense-toting-picture-takers came home with a few shots of a large white tent and a panoramic view. But it’s not over yet. Several media outlets are said to be in a bidding war to obtain some exclusive rights to the official photos. Seems like the kind of attention that Al and George can only envy.

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