Press control to Major Tom

Dear Major Tom:

While you are orbiting around Pluto, we have been having trouble with your proposal for a Malibu City Comprehensive Communications Policy, commonly known as “Gag the Press” policy. We have had some success with convincing our followers of the need to control the flow of information to the public for the next election. However, since we formed the Press Police, there has been considerable reaction to their strong-arm enforcement tactics.

The Press Police have been interrogating Planning Commissioner Kearsley, who was denounced as a known “First Amendment Abuser.” Commissioner Kearsley claims that the denouncement is the highest compliment ever paid to him, and in the future he will live up to his reputation by calling or writing the press every 20 minutes. In addition, he is suggesting that the city hire a new communications director by the name of Mr. Deep Throat, whose past experience includes ad hoc Communications Director for the Nixon Administration.

Major Tom, please help us. Malibuites are resisting our attempts at control. Our previous attempt at control of house color has met with some success. However, our color cops have recently reported midnight sightings of houses being painted white. Our ongoing attempt at controlling the light coming from inside and outside Malibu homes has met with some resistance.

The Light Brigade has charged several of our residents with purchasing 100 watt light bulbs. Major Tom, this newest attempt at control, the “Gag the Press” proposal, is causing the troops to become restless. You need to come back down to earth. Press Control, over and out!

A message from the future?

Ken Kearsley

The Malibu Times is the first newspaper in Malibu, serving the community since 1946.

Related Articles



Latest Articles

%d bloggers like this: