In observance of International Women’s Day (IWD) — which has been celebrated in various countries around the world for over 100 years — a group of Malibu women met last week for an annual reunion and program at the new retail space “Burro.”
The group of about 30 women — known informally as the “Malibu Women’s Circle” — was first formed in 2008 by local Julie Carmen (Hoffman), who encourages new community members to attend. The program began after store hours and started with the screening of the mini-documentary “Suddenly,” featuring several members of the circle who’d experienced sudden traumas and how they recovered.
The theme for this year’s gathering was “compassion,” with each woman saying how they express or experience it (or anything on their minds).
Member Lisa Kantor shared, “I think when we’re young, we’re all filled with ego. As I grow older, I’m more aware of my limitations with memory, etc. I have grown in compassion because I have firsthand experience of what it’s like to be compassionate.”
Jackie Tomlinson added, “I’m softening in my approach to everything as I get older … including my own compassion toward the world.”
“Generosity promotes compassion,” said Yvonne Dellarossa Green. “Helping wildlife and the homeless are two of my compassionate causes.”
Micah Daily teaches a cultural studies class and was deeply moved by the class study of hate speeches and satire. She and her students have been trying to show compassion by “engaging in the sorrows of the world, instead of trying to hide from them.”
Other women had issues or concerns in their everyday lives they brought up to the group, including the death of a spouse, the need to find friends, wanting a life that includes more “joyfulness, lightness and adventure,” experiencing more freedom of the outdoors, “figuring out a path as my children get older,” and finding the balance between work and parenting.
When the group was first formed seven years ago, Carmen was only 30 hours away from completing the 3,000 supervised intern hours the state requires to take the exam for a Marriage & Family Therapist’s license. (She’d racked up most of her intern hours at Juan Cabrillo Elementary School and in private practice with Dr. David Baron.)
To finish her requirement, “My closest friends encouraged me to form a women’s group, yet counseling friends is a no-no,” Carmen wrote. “All the licensed psychologists I asked said the same thing, ‘Try seeing your friends now — before you’re licensed — and you’ll discover why boundaries are so essential in our field.’”
However, after a chance meeting with nationally known feminist and author Gloria Steinem in a friend’s backyard, the idea for a women’s circle went forward.
Carmen gathered a group of 30 of her closest female friends, and they met weekly in an attic above a horse stable in Serra Retreat for 30 weeks, with Carmen facilitating discussion on various topics.
“My friends in the original group were all highly functioning people; not patients,” Carmen explained. “The group became extraordinary. I love my friends, and it was very powerful. Everyone opened up.”
The group disbanded when Carmen passed the licensing exams, but they still meet annually on IWD.
For the past several years, the annual gathering took place at Diesel bookstore after hours, until the store’s closure last year. The new tenant, “Burro,” allowed the group the same courtesy. The group is encouraged to arrive early to purchase things in support of the store as a thank you. Its owner, Erinn Berkson, sat in on the women’s circle and participated.
In addition to her therapy work, Carmen is also an actress. She shared that being an actor or a therapist is not so different — both careers benefit from her abilities “to get lost in a character” and to “deeply empathize” with another human being.
Click here to watch the video for “Suddenly,” which includes several of the women from the Malibu group sharing their experiences with sudden loss.
