A Malibu writer friend has perked up my day considerably by e-mailing a copy of Joe Hoare’s “Rules of Writing.”
What separates this from Strunk & White’s “Elements of Style” and even “Eats, Shoots & Leaves,” which Lynne Truss wrote with such humor, is its terse construction. Each rule incorporates the example of its own misuse. For instance: It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. There are those who would argue that sometimes to and its verb must be separated in the interest of clarity. I’ve had editors who reunited my infinitive creating a false emphasis, though I doubt anyone noticed.
Hoare’s rule, “Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.” brings to mind Winston Churchill’s famous reply to a grammar critic: This is the sort of nonsense up with which I shall not put.
“Avoid clichés like the plague” reminds me of all the times my favorite copy editor pointed out my use of a cliché, usually a vain attempt to punch up dull prose. She would tell me kindly to take a few moments and think of something more original.
“Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.” Whew! Tell this to local TV reporters doing stand-ups involving accidents and weather. Also to attorneys who can stretch two paragraphs to four pages, I suppose to be sure they’re making their point or perhaps because they’re being paid by the word.
“Also, always avoid annoying alliteration,” shows just how annoying this can be, though I would argue, two alliterative words in a headline sometimes can be effective.
He follows that with, “Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies,” compounding the redundancy with alliteration. Two points for Mr. Hoare.
Oops. I’ve just broken Rule 10: No sentence fragments. I’ve used fragments for years in my column, while avoiding them in news and feature articles. Now, the word processing program on my new computer keeps calling attention to my failing by underlining in green all snippets that haven’t the required verb. I suppose this means I can’t end a piece with Cheers. Bravo. Bon Appetit.
Well, now I broke Rule 12: Foreign words and phrases are not apropos. But why must we limit ourselves to rudimentary English, which embraces the Latin quid pro quo and bona fides (used regularly by pundits to describe political appointees and candidates) and the French détente (which has fallen into disuse in our current State Department). Foreign words and phrases come and go with the mood of those in power.
And any newspaper editor will defend the use of contractions in saving column inches though Hoare cautions: Contractions aren’t necessary and shouldn’t be used (unless, of course, the subject is in labor). I tend to avoid them in first drafts and then put them in when cutting to the required word count.
Hoare points out: Be more or less specific. This creates an oxymoron, one of my favorite word plays. The trick in using an oxymoron is to make sure the reader understands your intention is humor or satire, which is much riskier.
“Don’t use no double negatives” is a good caution to all writers but ignores colloquial speech common to dialogue in fiction. Cowboys often say things like, “That don’t make no never mind.” It would be completely out of character for him to say, “That does not make any difference.” Likewise, it also brings up a thorny problem for reporters when quoting people in news stories. Is it kinder to paraphrase when someone uses incorrect grammar, or keep the awkward phrase and put it in quotes, possibly embarrassing the speaker when it appears in print? When politicians are involved, the way this is handled can reveal editorial bias.
When Hoare says: Comparisons are as bad as clichés, we assume he refers to a simile. Again, cowboyspeak has the edge here, as in: “That’s about as useful as a pocket on an undershirt.” Metaphors, however, are the bones of poetry, which is probably why most poems are so hard to understand. Here, I’ve broken Rule 14: One should never generalize. Also, in dealing with comparisons, the mixed metaphor is always to be avoided though my favorite New Yorker space filler titled Block That Metaphor is usually good for a laugh.
Which brings us to Hoare’s final rule: “Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.” Well, journalists are taught to use the ampersand only when required in proper names. A comma replaces the word and in headlines. But abbreviations? Where would we be without etc., et al. and ad infinitum?
Lost as a howl in a windstorm.