Blog: Mass Exodus From Malibu

Burt Ross

While you are reading this column, many Malibuites are packing their bags in anticipation of an election result they do not like. On Nov. 9, the day after our presidential election, flocks of our townspeople will be migrating to Canada. This, of course, will totally confuse all the birds heading in the opposite direction.

I, for one, have no intention of moving one inch. When the housing market plummets because roughly half of our people will have flown the coop, I will pick up homes at bargain prices. When these disillusioned escapees return to Malibu after witnessing just one winter in the Northland, I will resell them their homes for a great profit.

Many voters are disgruntled, to say the least. They believe that political discourse has reached a new low, and if only we could return to those days of yesteryear when civility reigned. “Oh my, how our founding fathers would be shocked to see what has become of their great experiment,” we lament.

I shared those very same sentiments until I recently finished the book “Alexander Hamilton” by Ron Chernow. Apparently, a little history can go a long way. Most of us already know Hamilton, the former Secretary of the Treasury, was killed by Aaron Burr in a famous duel, but what we might not know is that Aaron Burr was a sitting vice president at the time. Put it this way— it would be like Joe Biden murdering Henry Paulson, former Secretary of the Treasury. So much for the good old days of civility.

If you think the acrimonious mood in Congress was any better then than now, you might want to reconsider. Chernow describes a confrontation between two Congressmen from opposing political parties in 1798: “Matthew Lyon of Vermont… began to mock the aristocratic sympathies of Roger Griswold… from Connecticut. When Griswold then taunted Lyon for alleged cowardice during the Revolution, Lyon spat right in his face. Griswold got a hickory cane and proceeded to thrash Lyon, who retaliated by taking up fire tongs and attacking Griswold.”

This country of ours has survived all kinds of characters, and I pray that if Trump wins, we might be able to survive him also, although I am not certain. So, before you despair entirely, please read some American history, which might provide you with enough perspective that you will unpack your bags and stay here awhile. I will forsake my profit.