Turning my world upside down
By Jody Stump
Being a professional grazer has many charms, not the least of which is sweet desserts. Of all the deadly sins, I, for one, would choose gluttony over all the rest, and otherwise maintain a happy life of virtue, free from the temptations of envy, covetousness or wrath. However, a nasty ankle injury occasioned long months of sloth and the two sins multiplied into wages of sin-one tiny wink on a thigh, not quite a dimple, for every extra morsel I munched in the interests of honest journalism.
In the same spirit of gastronomic adventure that got me to this butt-bulging space, I decided to explore the wilderness of The Great American Diet. Its landscape is as full of tall tales as the Wild, Wild West and the probity of its spokesmen as suspect as that of a snake oil salesman, but a scan of the more respected scientific journals yielded a few facts. All diets that work cut calories. Period. The people most likely to keep weight off exercise regularly-forever. Quick-fix tricks like the Cabbage Soup Diet or a liquid fast produce rapid loss but those dieters tend to put the weight back on plus more as soon as they revert to a “normal” diet. But what is normal?
Since 67 percent of Americans are overweight, according to the National Institutes of Health, I’m tempted to say, “OK, I’m normal; I’ll stay this way,” but then I’d be faced with the lament, “I haven’t a thing to wear!” Simple pride kept me from embarking on a trip to Nordstrom’s. There was nothing for it but cutting back. I tried three approaches.
First, I tried following the USDA Food Pyramid-six or more servings of grain, four of fruits and vegetables, two of proteins and a smidgen of fat. I gained weight. Worse, I thought about food all day. From the first mushy morsel of oatmeal to the iced packs of celery I ate until my nose twitched, all I could think about was a juicy steak or a pint of Chunky Monkey. I canned the Pyramid and switched to plastic meals-you know, the “healthy” frozen entre and the “slimming” shake. The net effect of all the cyclamates and ersatz sauces was lust, yet one more sin to add to my deficit of virtues. I lusted for the real thing-Fettucine Alfredo made with cream and Reggiano; a chocolate malt. Mmmmmm.
Then, came an epiphany. I realized that I’m an old-fashioned blood type “O,” one of those unevolved Paleolithics like 40 percent of the population, and I need to eat like a hunter-gatherer, not a new-fangled agrarian like a type “A” or “B,” so I moved on to experiment with high protein/low carb. This seems to be working for me-9 pounds in three weeks and not a pang of hunger or guilt. I shunned the Blood Type Diet as being too hard to remember and signed on to www.atkinscenter.com for a crash course in How To. The principles are simple-ignore calories and fat and choose foods high in proteins, limiting carbohydrates to 40 grams a day, being sure to include a daily salad with almost any dressing. Atkins has turned the Food Pyramid upside down and recent research results seem to indicate he’s right, at least for many of us.
The practical result is what I thought about how to eat was backwards. Bacon and eggs is my new breakfast of choice-Raisin Bran with skimmed milk is a loser, but not of pounds. A buttery croissant laden with deep, dark chocolate is better than a naked bagel (although croissants are not recommended-see below). Macadamia nuts are preferable to pretzels. And what’s for dinner?
Tonight, it’s a T-bone, asparagus with Hollandaise and a glass of very nice burgundy that I’ll finish with a Godiva truffle. All that represents only half my daily allowance of carbs and is a pleasant way to drop another pound. And, yes, it is fewer calories than a typical daily diet. A votre sante!