Karen York
From the other publisher
You haven’t heard from me lately. I’m the other publisher of The Malibu Times, Karen York. While some of you know me as “the wife of,” enlightened friends and colleagues recognize the role I play in helping to keep the family business and the business of our family on track and fiscally viable while not being involved in the day to day operations of the Times.
That’s not the way it’s always been. There was a time when I was deeply involved-marketing, managing the sales team, consulting on content, planning, strategizing, hiring… But then came a day when that no longer worked for us. The early paper (not to mention the marriage) couldn’t support two “chiefs” emotionally, economically or managerially.
Thus it was that I returned to my “day job:” healthcare marketing and executive recruiting. My involvement in The Malibu Times became limited to evening and weekend consulting-debriefing Arnold, strategizing, planning, supporting and critiquing as he and his wonderful team successfully developed the paper and magazine into an award-winning, profitable enterprise. It was a new role for me, and it was not easy to remain hands-off. However, it has been very rewarding to see our little enterprise flourish and my own career grow as well. I was (and am) very satisfied. It was enough for me and I thought it was enough for Arnold, too.
I was wrong. You’d think that after all these years of marriage I would have seen it coming. I didn’t. While I was planning my retirement strategy, Arnold was looking for more publications. And today, while other men his age are commuting to Pebble Beach and welcoming grandchildren, Arnold is commuting to Sacramento and hiring staff.
Truth be told, it wasn’t a complete surprise. There was talk. There were meetings. There were even requests for my advice and consul, which I freely gave. In the end, I grudgingly determined that it was indeed a great opportunity, not to be missed, and thus we became the owners of a statewide political publication, Capitol Weekly, six Sacramento area community papers and a directory. Wow. Talk about retirement!
Long married couples come to understand that one of the secrets of marital longevity is sharing the same career/life pace. He’s busy, engaged and building when you’re busy, engaged and building. He’s maintaining, while you’re maintaining. He’ slowing down when you’re slowing down. So what am I to do when I’m approaching the “maintaining and slowing down” side of the continuum and he’s not?
My first thought was to join, rather than fight. Get involved full time-apply my own hard-earned marketing and business savvy to the new endeavor. Not! We very soon determined that this strategy was as unlikely to work any better today than it did the last time we tried to work together. Besides, I had my own business to take care of, not to mention friends, family and community involvement. Then there were the new projects I was looking forward to and the new skills that leisure time would finally enable me to develop. No, we are definitely not in sync. Not for the first time, but for the first time in a long time.
It’s uncomfortable. The day-to-day balance of the usual, expected and predictable is askew. Daily, adaptations, changes and fine tuning to lifestyle, financial and social plans are required. I try to be supportive and willing, but find myself perplexed, anxious (and irritable). Arnold is feeling great though. His energy and intellect are being fueled by the demands inherent in taking ownership of the acquisition while operating the Times. I’m exhausted just thinking about it. And, it hurts.
No gain without pain, the saying goes. And, no growth without pain either, unfortunately. That’s always been my experience anyway. So, can I assume that what I’m experiencing are growing pains? Another benefit of a good marriage? When one grows the other is forced to grow too? And then the marriage grows too?
Well, that’s not a bad thing. The fact is, I’m grateful to be growing, even if it hurts. Sharing challenges, advice, expertise. Learning from each other’s experience. Knowing that we can still take risks, embark on new adventures, grow old while being bold! Appreciating that we’re still, creative, energetic, ambitious, healthy and together.
And, realizing that even if we’re out sync (for the time being), we’re still not out of love.