Blog: High Fashion

The prestigious, Pulitzer Prize-winning New York Times, known by Trumpsters as the purveyor of fake news, recently reported the death of Karl Lagerfeld. They referred to Mr. Lagerfeld as “the designer who defined luxury fashion.”

Now, I must admit that I had never heard of Mr. Lagerfeld until I read his obituary. You see, high fashion and I are total strangers. I am a fervent believer in low fashion. As a matter of fact, my fashion cannot be low enough.

One of the many things I love about Malibu is that dressing up for men consists of jeans and a polo shirt. It doesn’t get much better than that. I have to wear a tie about once a year and, when I do, I curse the man who invented the tie. I would like to strangle him with one of his inventions, but he is probably long gone.

BTF (before the fire) I had several suits, none of which fit me well, and now ATF (after the fire) I have one suit that doesn’t fit me well. I tend to expand and contract depending on how much cake and pasta I eat on any given occasion, but they have not made suits which expand and contract accordingly.

This all brings me to an unfortunate quotation by Mr. Lagerfeld. He once said, “Sweatpants are a sign of defeat.” Normally, I do not like to take exception with somebody who no longer resides among the living, but this quote is an affront to my very existence. I love sweatpants, and I wear them virtually each and every day. They do something which most pants do not–they provide my belly plenty of breathing room. I can gorge on carbs and sweatpants are most forgiving.

As for “a sign of defeat,” I do not consider myself having fought a battle and lost it. I wear sweatpants because I want to, and as far as I am concerned, the person who invented sweatpants should be right up there with Thomas Edison and Steve Jobs in the Inventors Hall of Fame.

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