I am here today to debunk some myths concerning food. That stuff we all love to shovel into our gaping mouths while worrying where on our ballooning torsos it will wind up. A series of doctors, who had nothing better to do when their malpractice premiums exceeded their mortgages, have written long-winded treatises on what to eat and what to avoid. They made millions for themselves, publishers and booksellers even though nobody could agree on their opposing premises.
The low calorie diet (which made lab rats live many years longer though they didn’t seem to want to) was followed by “Calories Don’t Count.” The “Low-Fat” era has given way to the “Low-Carb” craze, promoted by weight loss guru Dr. Robert Atkins, who we now learn died at 72 of congestive heart failure with an extra 70 pounds or so on his once lanky frame. Well, his books did sell 15 million copies, so that’s some consolation.
As soon as the books start flying off the shelves our fearless food makers retool their plants and labels to reflect the newest fad. It’s now possible to buy low-carb versions of everything from bread, cookies and pasta to ice cream and beer. I can tell you from first-hand experience that if you drink beer you will gain weight. And low-carb beer is an oxymoron.
Once again, the FDA rides to the rescue to save us from our conflicted basic instincts: to stave off starvation by stockpiling unused calories as fat and the compelling desire to look really good in our caskets. The Food and Drug guys are now deciding just how many carbohydrates can be in a food advertised as low- or reduced-carb, and how manufacturers are to count the grams. Didn’t we learn all this in grade school nutrition class?
All foods are either protein, fat or carbohydrate or a combination thereof. Ice cream, for instance, is protein and fat (from milk and cream) and carbohydrate from sugar and fruit. Sounds like balanced nutrition to me. Take fried shrimp, if you will, basically protein, but smothered in carbs from the batter or breading and fat from whatever you fry it in. I had a sister who lived for several years on fried shrimp and ice cream. She wasn’t fat, but she had to have her carotid artery rebored even though low cholesterol levels tend to prevail in our gene pool. My other sister exists on nuts and berries, bread and pasta, is skinny as a snake and has cholesterol levels in the low 100 range, like all herbivores. Hello. This is a low-fat, high-carb diet. We do not need the FDA to tell us anything about this. At least not about food in its relatively natural state.
It’s the processing, packaging and promoting that concerns the feds. Remember the low-fat foods on which Americans gained bazillions of pounds. Non-fat chocolate cookies, which taste a lot like cardboard, satisfied nobody and contained hidden transfats the FDA never got around to demanding on labels, and more calories than a respectable homemade brownie. But those guys are determined to hold the food industry accountable for products that cater to the current low-carb dieter but will ultimately benefit only the plus-size clothing industry. I see “Big is Beautiful” ad campaigns in our future.
Get real. Buy and cook real food. Broiled chicken and meat with the fat trimmed off. Wild caught salmon poached or baked. Fresh fruit, veggies without cheesy sauces and dips, whole grain bread and cereal. Skip the packaged food aisles all together no matter what the labels say. Never choose a food for what it isn’t. When you order a sandwich, tell them to hold the chips and fries, maybe give you a blob of coleslaw or salad.
Carbs are not the enemy, they’re the foods our parents used to feed us because they were good for us, gave us energy that we actually used up. And we were all thinner then. Every dinner had spinach, broccoli, carrots, small red roasted potatoes, grilled peppers, mushrooms, beets or tomatoes. We can still do this. Peel an orange, slice an apple or a pear, put fresh berries on everything. Pick an ice cream with fewer calories, Breyers Natural Light, Ben & Jerry’s Frozen Yogurt, Starbuck’s Low Fat Latte. Hard to beat that. And if you can’t pass the pastry store without popping in for a warm croissant or a pear tart, walk there and back so it won’t end up on your hips or in your arteries.
By the time the FDA gets their ducks in a row, the whole low-carb phase will have blown over and food processors will be relabeling anew. No matter what the next diet fad turns out to be, remember, they’re just selling books. And that didn’t seem to buy Atkins any extra time.
Whatever’s next, my mantra will still be the same. Eat a bit less, Do a lot more.