This letter is in regard to the local coastal plan and Coastal Commission’s effort to make Malibu visitor serving. This letter also pertains to the lawsuit against the Coastal Commission for a public accessway. Access For All has been given the authority to open the accessway
On Saturday I decided to see how well Malibu was doing the Coastal Commission’s bidding by being visitor serving. My first surprise on Saturday morning was to observe the Chair of the Commission, husband and dog walking down Pacific Coast Highway: I guess she knows an unsafe beach when she sees one!
There was no traffic so I suppose she thinks we weren’t “visitor serving.” Later in the day, the highway was jammed and as I sat on it in front of David Geffen’s easement my thoughts wandered from visitors because, indeed, we weren’t serving them very well and there were an awful lot of them. I thought of Access for All, Steve Hoye and all his little friends who want to open Mr. Geffen’s easement. Bear in mind, I don’t have much of a brief for Mr. Geffen. Anyone who supported those who shoved AB 988 down our throats deserve whatever he may get. But I did remember that Access for All has cloaked itself in enough secrecy to be an environmentalist Al Queda. Since they won’t be interviewed and since they propose to open a big stretch of beach, which may create some liability for the city and others, I thought they might not mind answering a few questions. I know they won’t be interviewed by the Times but they shouldn’t mind responding because they can take their time and know they won’t be trapped.
Ready, Steve? Here goes:
1. Who are you? How many members do you have? Do you maintain books and records? If so who does so? Where do you get your funding? Do you have a principal donor? Does he sing “Hotel California”? Do you have any employees? Do you pay them a Santa Monica living wage? What’s your address? What’s your phone number? After having read Steve Lopez on Sunday I know you have an email address and a PO Box in Topanga. Where do you live so I can send people to picnic on your front lawn?
There, now that wasn’t so bad, was it? Now that we’ve introduced ourselves, I want you to assume that the Geffen easement has been opened for a month and that Mr. Jones has brought his family to the beach there on a warm sunny Sunday afternoon:
2. On her way to the beach, Mrs. Jones has changed the baby’s diaper. She is standing outside the easement, diaper in hand. Where does she put it?
3. The Jones pass through the easement and take a sharp turn to the right. As they put their towels, lunch and umbrellas down, a home owner tells them they’re trespassing. Are you going to survey for the mean high tide line? Are you in some way going to tell Mr. and Mrs. Jones where they can and can’t go on the beach?
4. Little Johnny Jones immediately runs into the water and gets dumped by plunging surf. He has a bad scrape on his arm-it’s bleeding and should be cared for. (a) Where do the Jones go for help? (b) Where’s the nearest telephone?
5. Sally Jones announces she has to go to the bathroom and “it’s a number two” – what are the Jones to do?
6. Since someone from Access for All is there to take care of these problems, the Jones decide to walk down the beach. They cross Mr. Broad’s property and he chases them below the mean high tide line. They reverse course and head up toward Mrs. Riorden’s, who does the same thing; what does above the mean high tide line mean? What are they to do? We know you told Steve Lopez that there are owners as evil as Mr. Geffen on Broad Beach. Are you and Access For All disputing their right to keep your constituents below the mean high tide line?
7. Frustrated, the Jones pack up and decide they’re heading to Zuma. On the way out, Mrs. Jones trips on a raised portion of the walkway and falls; her arm is badly broken. We know how to get the paramedics because we did it when Johnny skinned his arm but what about liability? Does Access For All have a policy of insurance? If so what are the limits? Will Access For All indemnify Mr. Geffen and the City of Malibu if they are sued? What about defending them? And what is the source of revenue to pay for that policy? How do we know you’ll be around for the life of the easement, Steve?
8. The Jones arrive at Zuma at sunset. They discover that Johnny is nowhere to be found-in fact he’s back at Carbon and you’ve just locked the gate, Steve. What happens to Johnny?
These shouldn’t be hard questions, Steve. That’s especially true since you’ve told the L.A. Times you’re ready to assume the responsibility. Please send your letters to The Malibu Times (or the L.A. Times if they’ll publish it-but I doubt they will because, see, it’s not in their mantra.) Thanks for taking the time to answer these questions, Steve. All of us in Malibu want to know.
Todd M. Sloan