Blog: What Goes Around Comes Around

Burt Ross

I am a clairvoyant of sorts. I have an uncanny ability to see things way into the future, but like the Greek mythical character Cassandra, I am totally unable to alter the course of events.

For instance, I can see a series of events unfolding over the next several decades which will cause a major breach in our relationship with our neighbor to the North.

As the Earth continues to heat up (for purposes of this column, we do not have to agree on what is causing the warming trend, merely to acknowledge that it is happening), a significant reversal of migration patterns will evolve.

During much of my life, Americans and many Canadians have moved to warmer climates. The populations of our South and Southwest have grown exponentially. We in Southern California know full well how much people enjoy our year round sunshine. That is why I moved from New Jersey to Malibu, and I am not alone in my quest for the sun.

But I predict that as our weather gets warmer degree by degree, what was once perfect weather will gradually become quite uncomfortable, and when our weather becomes downright unbearable, guess where millions of us will flock to? You guessed it-Canada, where the temperature which was once frigid will over time become rather temperate.

Whereas people who flew down to Florida to get warm in the winters were called “snowbirds,” now people in Florida will be flying to Canada simply to escape the heat.

Canada has always been like a brother to us, and so at first, it will welcome the influx of Americans with open arms. As time marches on, the trickle will become a flood of Americans seeking to escape the ever warming temperatures. Finally Canada will limit the number of Americans who can legally enter each year, but given our Yankee ingenuity, that will not stop us. Over time we will cross the porous border by the millions, and ultimately over 10 million Americans will be living in Canada without the proper documentation.

The patient Canadians will finally say “enough is enough.” They will protest that we are taking their jobs and changing their culture by demanding the right to carry assault weapons. 

If this were not bad enough, a small number of expatriates will actually commit crimes on Canadian soil.  This will prove too much, and so Americans moving to Canada will sadly become the major issue in the election of Canada’s Prime Minister. 

The leading candidate will run on one issue—to keep the Americans out. He will rant and rave against us. He will call us murderers and rapists, and then when the crowd reaches a fever pitch, he will yell, “We are going to build a wall and who is going to pay for it?” The crowd will shout back, “America will. America will.”