Blog: Dressing Homeless

Burt Ross

When I first came to Malibu I had dinner with a producer and his wife. They are an accomplished couple and do not hurt for the material things in life.  She was well groomed and attractive, wore jewelry you couldn’t buy at Kmart, and her overall appearance was just fine, except for one thing — there were holes in her jeans.

I didn’t know what to say. Perhaps she didn’t notice, but there were so many holes, tears and rips, it would have been impossible for her not to have seen them. The jeans looked brand new except for all those holes.  Since I was a newcomer, I decided to keep my mouth shut, which is unusual for me, to say the least. 

Since then, I have seen other women with this same tattered look. Why, just the other day I saw a woman outside of Pavilion’s wearing short jeans with the pockets hanging outside the pants. She was not begging for money, got into her six-figure car and drove off.

I spoke with my daughter and was advised this “holey” look is stylish. She too wears jeans with holes, or should I more accurately describe them as holes with some adorning jeans. Apparently people even pay more for this “in” look than they do for ordinary jeans. 

As I get older, the earth seems to be rotating on its axis faster and faster, and there is far too much happening in the world I don’t begin to understand. People work very hard for their money and they have every right to wear anything they want, including rags. But why somebody would intentionally pay more money to dress like a homeless person is way beyond my comprehension.

I imagine there is a highly paid clothes designer somewhere in Paris carefully selecting exactly where each hole should be placed. Then workers in China take great pains to place these holes in their strategic locations before sending the merchandise to America where the wealthy can pretend they are poor.

If somebody wishes to acquire this kind of wardrobe at a minimal expense, I have a great idea. Turn on your lights some night and open the doors to the outside. Moths will immediately be attracted to the light. Collect them, place them in your closet, shut the door to your closet and, by morning, voila, you will have more holes in your clothing than you had ever hoped for.