I normally don’t recite the moral of a tale before I tell it, but in this instance I am making an exception. The moral of the story you are about to hear is: “Everybody who graduated Harvard is not smart.”
Decades ago my dear friend Dr. Charlie Stolar and his wife Carol joined me and my bride to celebrate something—it’s been too many years to remember exactly what we were celebrating. We chose Le Bernardin, one of the great fish restaurants in New York City, or anywhere else for that matter. I made sure not to eat anything all day so as to leave lots of room in my stomach to accommodate the delicious food I was soon to consume.
Charlie is a gourmand and a gourmet chef. In other words, unlike me, he has an intimate knowledge about what he puts in his mouth. I decided to be lazy (more my natural inclination than any decision), and I asked Charlie to order for me including the cocktail. Charlie ordered the multi course taster’s menu for me and a martini to start things off right.
I am not much of a drinker, had never had a martini before, and so when I took the first swallow, it tasted like medicine. I then had a dilemma on my hands. I did not want to waste the expensive drink, but I also didn’t want to sip it and extend the unpleasantness over a long time. And this is where my Harvard education kicked in—I gulped it all down in a matter of seconds, and yes, on an empty stomach.
The first course came and it was quite delicious. The second course arrived and was also fine. And by the time the third course was put on the table, I felt a very strange sensation. I knew perfectly well that I had arrived at the restaurant with two legs, but for the life of me, I could only feel one leg. Something told me this was not a positive development.
By some miracle I retained what I had eaten, but my appetite for the balance of the courses was nonexistent. My bride drove me home and it felt like she hit every pothole on the Westside Highway. She says, and I believe her, that she did not hit a single pothole. I made it to my bedroom, took off my shirt and tie, and collapsed on top of the bed. I don’t recall anything else.
I have been back to Le Bernardin, but I can assure you as God is my witness that I