When life tells you it has to be ‘the real thing’
By Jody Stump
There is a rare species of rodent living in our hills. A pretty thing, if you don’t mind a skinny pink tail and the nomenclature “rat” on a furry, bright-eyed creature the size and temperament of a gerbil. These balls of fluff are resourceful beasts-Scots-thrifty, making good use of the bits and pieces cast off by human society. I found a nest, intricately woven as a fine Panama hat embellished with shiny tinsel and blue cashmere yarn and, what’s that?-a fine gold chain from a pendant I’d mislaid. It’s the Malibu Pack-Rat and someone from the Sheriff’s Department cautioned me about eradicating the little pest since it’s rumored to be endangered. I have news for the Sheriff-the Malibu Pack-Rat lives and thrives in our fair city, at least in two-footed form.
Consider the garage sale-our culture’s most polite way of recycling the flotsam of our lives into treasures for a neighbor. For weeks I scoured my closets for clutter too good to toss but no longer gainfully employed. Hidden deep in a cranny under the stove was a pot so dusty and forlorn, I knew it needed a better home. Into the castaway carton, up to Garage Sale Central.
Part of the fun of a neighborhood sale is first dibs. Karen dug into my jumbled stack only to emerge in moments with an “Omigod, it’s Magnalite!” The pot of her dreams, lost in the fire-the only pot on earth deemed good enough for pot roast.
Pot roast is a tricky thing. The secret is in the how, not the what, of what goes in it. We’ve experimented and believe we have achieved the supple acme of a perfect roast. It turns out the pot belonged to my mother-in-law, who only used it for baking Classic Cola Roast in the ’60s, but we discovered our method works just as well for a leaner version made with water and wine. Either way, enjoy!
PERFECT POT ROAST
3-1/ 2 pound chuck roast
Salt and pepper
2 Tbs. vegetable oil
1 medium onion, chopped
1 carrot, chopped
1/2 cup celery, chopped
2 Tbs. minced garlic
1 16-ounce can tomatoes
1 sprig thyme
1 – 3/4 cups liquid*
* Use wine and water at a ratio of 1 to 5, or just dump in Coke Classic. The cola acts as a tenderizer and adds a rich, caramel-y sweetness that’s delicious.
1. Preheat oven to 300 degrees.
2. Dry the meat and season with salt and pepper.
3. In a heavy Dutch oven, heat oil over medium-high heat until it shimmers. Brown roast thoroughly. Remove from pan.
4. Reduce heat to medium and cook vegetables until they are golden, about 6 to 8 minutes. Add garlic and heat 30 seconds. Add tomatoes, stirring to loosen crumbs on the bottom of the pan. Return the roast to the pan.
5. Add enough of your chosen liquid to come halfway up the sides of the roast. Bring the liquid to a simmer, cover the pot tightly and place it in the oven.
6. Cook, turning the roast every 30 minutes until fork tender. Use a meat thermometer to check the roast’s internal temperature. When it reaches 210 degrees (2 to 3 hours), lower the heat to 175 degrees and cook one more hour. That extra hour turns a tender roast into a mouth-watering, succulent work of art.
TIPS FROM THE TABLE: Coke isn’t just for human consumption. Creative minds have crafted myriad applications that make Coke one of the most useful items on your pantry shelf. Did you know that the active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid, a corrosive agent so powerful it dissolves a penny nail in about four days? Here are better uses:
Remove grease from clothes: Dump a can of Coke in your wash along with detergent and watch spots disappear.
Remove rust from chrome: Rub with aluminum foil soaked in Coke.
Clean your grout: Pour on the Coke and wipe out the grunge.
Cure for the Common Cold: Heat Coke with minced fresh ginger for 5 to 10 minutes. Sip it while warm and you’ll feel much better.
A single splash will soothe the sting of a jellyfish and it works better than Windex on windshield corpses. A weekly dose of Coke even makes the grass grow greener. Really-it’s the real thing.