Heat wave almost provokes killer instinct
I’ve never been big on killing things-insects, weeds, whatever-even though I’ve lived in a country where killing is a way of life. Oxymoronic as that may seem. For decades, centuries even, we’ve killed our enemies. The enemies of our livestock, our plants, our health. Death is part of the cycle of life. Right?
The evolution of my enlightenment was prompted, not by Eastern philosophy, the teachings of Buddha or even the admonitions of animal rights activists. And it’s not just that I don’t like to look at dead animals, though that’s part of it.
As I’ve learned more about the weapons we use to bend nature to our will, I’ve discovered some scary things. Antibiotics were designed to kill the bacteria that can kill us. TB, pneumonia, plague and pox. But they also kill the bacteria that keep us well. Antibiotics aren’t smart.
But the bacteria they target, operating on the principles of natural selection, adapt. So we now have resistant strains of disease that are impervious to antibiotics.
We also have insects that are resistant to pesticides and weeds that can stand up to herbicides. The fact that these chemicals damage human DNA should give us pause.
I admit to falling for the hype of the ’50s and ’60s that made homemakers feel inadequate if they didn’t kill all the germs and insects in their houses and gardens. Got ants? Roaches? Call the exterminator, who, for a monthly fee, will spray every square inch of your home and yard with chemicals strong enough to cause serious problems for humans.
The ants and roaches, operating on the principles of natural selection, amazingly survive, developing resistance to the chemicals. Superbugs. In farm fields, backyards, under kitchen sinks, even in hospitals.
For someone who once sprayed chlordane under a house that had been built on the mother of all anthills, I’ve done a complete 180. And it goes beyond using “natural” products to kill. The idea, I finally decided, is to stop thinking of pests as the enemy and start thinking of ways to dissuade them from invading my space. Ants evolved in amazing ways to outsmart us in this endeavor. Invading our space is what they do. What we have to do is make our space less inviting.
My daughter used to spray every ant with Raid. This made the house uninhabitable for humans, but didn’t deter the next wave of ants from marching in. She is also completely creeped out by spiders. So I bought her this battery operated mini-vacuum wand that sucks them off the ceiling and traps them in some kind of gel so they can’t get out when you turn it off.
I learned long ago that it’s better to spray a natural repellent like Avon’s Skin So Soft on the thresholds and windowsills. This works, to a point, and at least I can stand the smell. However, the second day of a heat wave, all bets are off. The ants came out of the woodwork after the dog dish was left on the kitchen floor. Also, I spilled-and inadequately mopped up-hot coffee grounds all over the stove and floor. Who knew ants would go for decaf espresso.
My resolve against killing weakens in the face of the onslaught. I Hoover them all up off the floor, unplug the machine and leave it in the mudroom. An hour later, they’re all over the floor again. I wonder who’s evolving here. The speedy little crawlers invade my cupboards and attack my last Newman’s Own chocolate espresso bar. That’s it. Now I’m really mad.
But I’ve reached Skin So Soft saturation, so I go outdoors only to find the patio has been invaded by yellow jackets. Ordinarily, they go for yellow flowers, so I planted only red and blue flowers there this year and moved the yellow ones out into the garden where the yellow jackets can duke it out with the honeybees. Again, this worked only until the temps reached the 90s.
Much as I hate to kill anything, I set out my medieval bug catcher, this pretty green glass jar that lures wasps with honey water. The wasps crawl in from the bottom and apparently haven’t evolved sufficiently to find their way out. The first day it caught about three dozen wasps. The second day, ants were crawling all over looking for the honey water. So I emptied and refilled the trap and sprayed Skin So Soft on the table.
No ants. Also no more wasps in the trap. Duh. The wasps have to land on the table to crawl into the trap. Wash the table top, leave the spray on the legs. At least ants can’t fly, yet.
This is taking way too much effort. But it hurts to be outwitted by an insect, even if they evolved on this planet before my ancestors crawled out of the primordial soup. I will not let them provoke my latent killer instinct. Patience is my strategy. It may be medieval, but at least I’m not creating super bugs.