It is a pleasure to be the bearer of good news, and good news is what I bring. The United Methodist Church of Malibu is celebrating the 25th anniversary of its Malibu Pie Festival this Saturday, Oct. 11. If you have never been to this event, do yourself a favor and get on over to the Methodist Church at 30128 Morning View Dr. between 11 a.m. and 4 p.m.
For the second time in three years, I have been appointed a judge of the pie-baking contest, and I consider this appointment one of the great honors of my life. I will be one of several distinguished people (haven’t a clue who the others are) judging the fruit pies, and trust me when I say the pressure of this responsibility is already weighing me down. Do I go with apple, blueberry or cherry? … And the President thinks he has problems.
To be perfectly candid, the pie festival is causing me some anxiety. Because I have put on some extra weight, I am now on a strict non-carbohydrate diet. How does one stay true to the regimen while tasting all these pies? I have come up with a simple and perhaps novel solution. As a member of the judiciary, I hereby declare for one day and one day only that pies, no matter what kind, shall be classified as protein.
The importance of pies should never be underestimated. There are people in this town who have won Academy Awards, Emmys and other trophies, but just remember this — you can’t eat a little statue, and if you end up on a deserted island like Tom Hanks in “Cast Away,” just ask yourself whether you would rather have an Oscar or a delicious pie with you.
In my opinion, this event is quintessential Malibu — mostly locals getting together to relax, talk, laugh, listen to some music, eat some pie and savor the sweet things in life. It doesn’t getting any better than that. I hope to see you there this Saturday, and remember, you don’t have to be a Methodist to eat the pies.