It happened at Columbine, Santana High and most recently at Bishop Neumann in Williamsport, Penn. — ordinary teens snapped violently after years of teasing and bullying by their classmates.
“These schools are not from other nations. They’re not poor people’s schools,” said Kathy McTaggart, coordinator of school and community partnership at the Santa Monica-Malibu School District, to parents, teachers and students gathered at Malibu High School for a conference addressing bullying at school. “These are schools just like ours. The important thing is that we can all walk away from the experience smarter.”
The March 27 meeting included presentations from Irene Ramos, vice principal of MHS; Phyllis Steinberg, an expert in conflict resolution; child psychologist Roy Ettenger; and Scott Robinson, director of the Boys and Girls Club at Malibu. Also included in the evening’s lineup were two victims of bullying from Malibu High.
“A lot of people respond to bullying with fear, and the fear is constant,” said ninth-grader Dylan Ross, about his own experiences. “But what I feel [when bullied] is not fear but anger. I’m angry with the person and I’m angry with myself. I feel as if I did something wrong.”
Two years ago Ross was harassed by some older classmates at the high school.
“I didn’t know what I had done to provoke them. They were pushing me around, calling me names. What could I do? They were stronger than me and I was afraid I would get in trouble if I started fighting with them.” When the bullies stole his shoe, Ross tried to retaliate by mocking the students in a drama class improvisation, but their threatening glances after the class finally led him to report the incident. An hour before the teens were due to meet school authorities, Ross was beaten.
After three hours of mediation, Ross was sentenced to a “Saturday School” for yelling profanities. The bullies got detention.
“The traditional disciplinary structure just calls for Band-Aids,” complained Steinberg. “Saturday School or detention just solves the problem for a moment. What is needed is an overall movement towards peace.”
Ettenger was struck by Ross’ self-reproach.
“It’s very common for people in victim positions to blame themselves. That’s why it’s important for parents to have good lines of communication with their kids and find out what’s going on. Children don’t want to admit that they are being bullied, because they don’t want to appear weak in front of their parents.”
When MHS seventh-grader Chelsea Sherwood was bullied by a group of girls, she began cutting herself.
“What really happens is that people get bullied to the point that they can’t take it anymore. It hurts so badly after a while that it’s like a burning. All you feel is hurt. People don’t always resort to guns. They also resort to hurting themselves instead of other people.”
The bullying left Sherwood depressed and physically ill.
“She didn’t want to get up in the morning and her academic grades were going down,” said Diana, Chelsea’s mother.
Some of the signs Ettenger says parents should watch for are shyness, anxiety, poor academic achievement, threatened or attempted suicide, unwillingness to go to school or taking different routes to school. Victims might also come home without having eaten, with no money or with ruined clothes or books.
“There is nothing more important in their education than feeling safe at school,” said Ettenger, “because if they don’t feel safe, they’re not going to learn.”
Through programs like the Boys and Girls Club, Smart Moves and student mentor programs, children in Malibu are offered the safe havens necessary to a productive environment.
In the Mentor Program, for example, high school students like 10th-grader Sophie Stern are trained to be mediators for middle school kids.
“The mediators are there to act as guides to help through the process of solving in a calm, peaceful and secure place,” said Stern. “Not only does the experience help solve problems right there but it teaches students how to communicate effectively so that they can solve future problems on their own. It makes the students feel empowered with a sense of self.”
The Boys and Girls Club of Malibu also empowers children by offering leadership programs in nontraditional ways.
“There are good students who make it into the student council and things like that, but there are also kids who might never get to be a leader or get that sense of success,” said Boys and Girls Club director Robinson. “At the center we create clubs by asking the students what hobbies they have. When some kids came and said they were getting into trouble because they were playing this Magic card game, for example, we decided to start a Magic card game club with officers and meetings.
“Often kids who are not doing well academically lose their self-esteem and they become bullies,” he continued. “The programs we offer give students the opportunity to be successful in other areas beyond academics. We’re trying to build the ‘whole child’ here.”