Mad dogs and Egyptian goose in the midday sun
(In the continuing saga of
Gerta the goose and
unhinged raccoons…)
Two weeks ago, we learned about the perils of doggie doors, and possums, raccoons and beasts that go bump-and bite-in the night.
All this brings us to Gerta. Maybe you recall the grieving guard goose that, last spring, relinquished her role as preserver of the lagoon’s status quo. Now, in the vacuum of Gerta’s vigilance, chaos has broken loose. Where once we watched Gerta stalk the banks, honking wildlife into line, all manner of fauna flourishes, from little, snappy turtles to really big (and great) blue herons. From pokey possums with their 50 teeth to snotty squirrels with perfect aim. All troop across our patio like pests on parade, the squirrels pelting peanut shells on sleeping dogs as they pass. Someone must be feeding them.
“Where’s Gerta when we need her?” my husband muttered in annoyance.
Nowhere to be seen. We guessed that she had taken early retirement to a sunnier, simpler pond.
A few days later, we heard emphatic barking on the upstairs terrace. We’ve heard that noise so frequently lately, we’ve learned to interpret Dog.
Bill slipped on his sneakers-no more barefoot battles-and grabbed the handiest weapon, a broom. Backed into the corner of a high stucco wall covered with thorny roses, Gerta stood, shaking and flapping and squawking as though the demons of hell were attacking.
Bill wielded the broom before him like a hockey stick and opened the locked garden gate. He brushed her down the stairs, through the backyard and, with a slap shot to her ample aft-quarters, up and over the railing and, splosh, into the lagoon. Gerta doesn’t fly and she swims only with the help of her bulbous buoyancy. So, here’s a Locked Room Mystery: how did a plump, middle-aged goose find her way to a fenced, second-story patio, and why? Further, what makes our home so attractive to marauders?
We have no clue, but the communal commotion has undone the dogs. In recent weeks, our tough, little terrors have begun to shrink from shadows and bark at the wind. They-and we-needed help.
It arrived in the form of Mr. Clean gone Goth. Like the detergent, this strong, but gentle household savior has wrestler-worthy muscles and a clean-shaven pate, but this genie is swathed in long swaths of Celtic symbolism that seem to be signals to the dogs that this man can be trusted and respected. They literally look up to John Flanagan, Malibu’s own K9 Guru.
He appeared to me one day in Ralphs parking lot walking up to a gargantuan van that was locked but running. Curious, I noticed the “K9 Guru” logo and the political rectitude of a discreet decal that announced the van was powered by biofuel. He was big and commanding but what would he do with four pounds of quaking canine?
“Can you calm a worried Yorkie?” I asked.
He looked at me, eyes clouded with concern.
“Sure. What’s the problem?”
And, thus starts a story for another day.
Wild Rice Bread
One large loaf
In honor of the goose and her fellow intruders, I chose a bread full of wild things. Slather it with a good butter or top it with cheese and remember to gaze with wonder at the world beyond our neatly trimmed lawns.
1/3 cup wild rice
3/ 4 cup whole-wheat flour
2-1/ 4 cup bread flour
2 tsp. salt
1 tsp. onion flakes
2 Tbs. nut oil
2 tsp. brown sugar
2-1/ 2 tsp. active dry yeast
8 scallions, minced
1. Cook rice in 1 cup water until tender. Drain, reserving liquid and cool.
2. Stir flours with salt and onion flakes. Grind in pepper, if desired.
3. Measure rice liquid, adding water to make 1-1/ 4 cups. In a large mixing bowl, stir with oil and sugar. Sprinkle yeast and let bubble for one minute. Add dry ingredients. Stir until the dough is elastic and still sticky-about 10 minutes.
4. Turn onto a lightly floured surface and knead in the rice and scallions until dough forms a ball. Lightly oil the dough and place in a large bowl. Cover and let rise until doubled in size. A long rest is a good thing.
5. Using just enough flour to keep it from sticking, shape it into a loaf.
6. Transport the loaf onto a baking sheet dusted with flour. Cover and let rise again.
7. Heat oven to 450 degrees. Slash stripes on top of the dough. Bake 15 minutes.
8. Lower heat to 350 and bake 20 – 30 minutes until the loaf is brown. Cool on a rack before slicing.
Here are directions for a bread machine. I got mine for $25 at The Artifac Tree.
Following your machine’s basic directions for 1-1/ 2 lb. wheat breads, reduce the water by 1/8 cup, add 1/2 Tbs. more oil and 1 tsp. of gluten.