While most 60-year-olds look forward to a life of leisure, maybe a vacation to the South of France or a trip to an exotic island with days voided of responsibilities, Walter Rosenthal chose a different path.
After raising children who are now parents themselves, he became a father all over again.
Andy Brand also chose a different route when he became a father. Despite initial concerns for a healthy and happy future for the children he might have, his outlook was restored when daughters, Sarah and Abigail, were born.
“Being a father is one of the most profound experiences in life,” said 59-year-old Rosenthal. “Nothing tops the love that you get from your children. But this love has to be earned, it should never be assumed.”
Rosenthal is the father of six and grandfather of three, with one more grandchild on the way. His children range in age from 6 to 38 years old. Joe, 10, and Will, 6, enjoy the unusual benefit of having a full-time dad who is fully immersed in their lives.
When Rosenthal was a child, fathers were looked upon mainly as an authority figure. But as a father today, Rosenthal says he likes to play with his children.
“You give me a brave, happy, well-adjusted kid and you get a successful well-adjusted adult,” explains Rosenthal. “They may not end up CEOs of Microsoft or dancing in the New York Ballet, but they will find a more satisfying adult life, a more completed adult life.”
And fatherhood has been quite a voyage for this father whose youngest children are the same age as his grandchildren.
Rosenthal first became a father at 21, when he was a junior at UC Berkeley. “It was before the pill,” he joked.
Altogether, his first marriage brought three daughters, Jenny, Anne and Phebe, and a son, Rob, who all live in Northern California. After remarrying to Laura Zahn Rosenthal, a clinical psychologist, the retired CEO became a full-time father with the birth of his two young sons.
“I have become a great ‘mom,’ ” he said. “I have allowed my feminine side to surface.”
Even while he was battling lymphoma, Rosenthal never stopped being an involved parent.
In 1999, when he was undergoing chemotherapy, he continued to coach Little League.
“I didn’t want my children to be frightened and to worry about whether I was going to live,” he said. “I wanted them to remember me playing baseball.”
Rosenthal’s positive outlook worked. “Now I feel very healthy. I was told that my cancer is completely in remission and two years is a major bench mark.”
When he was a young father, Rosenthal managed to pass on his values to his three daughters and his son, though differently, especially for Rob since he was handicapped.
“He strived to raise three self-sufficient strong women,” said his oldest daughter, Jenny Hitchings, who now lives in Sacramento. “It was important to him to know we would be successful.”
Rosenthal was at the beginning of a successful career himself when his first children were young and was not as available to them as he is now with Joe and Will.
However, when Rosenthal moved to the Los Angeles area, he and Hitchings’ mother continued to share parenting responsibilities. “He was a hands-on dad,” said Hitchings.
“They always made it work. We never had to choose between fathers,” said Hitchings, whose mother and father both remarried. “As the years have gone on, we’ve become better friends.”
“What he is doing with Joe and Will is wonderful, he is making up for lost time. He gets to be the dad he never could be,” she said.
As she spoke about her father’s new life and his ability to connect with his grandchildren, Hitchings said, “It actually makes him a better grandfather.
“He understands them [his grandchildren] better. Not only do we get to be father and daughter, but also we get to share parenting. We share the same life.”
Joy of children overcomes concerns
For Andy Brand, who is 41, being a father brought a refreshing outlook for the future, surpassing concerns he had before his daughters were born.
Andy and Heather Brand were married for eight years before they had their first daughter, Sarah, who is now 9 years old, and later Abigail, who is 6.
Initially, the couple had decided not to have children because they were worried about the kind of world they were bringing children into. “After watching a few news programs, the world looked pretty heinous and it didn’t look like it was going to be a nice place to bring people into,” said Andy.
But the couple changed their mind when they saw their niece, Heather, who is three years older than Sarah.
After Sarah and Abigail were born, Brand’s reservations dissipated. “You pay attention more to what is going on locally and in your children’s lives,” he said. “The opportunities for enjoying a full, happy, healthy life are much more than a young person may believe when they watch the world news.”
And the love that followed was unlike any other.
“In the basic form, when I go to kiss them goodnight and they are already asleep, it’s a tingling and choked-up feeling,” said Brand. “Then there is the prideful feeling when you see your children do something on their own initiative.”
Brand’s parenting style is a lot like his father’s. “I had a terrific relationship with my father because he was well-liked and respected by people. He was light-hearted and easy going.”
Building character and teaching social skills are among Brand’s priorities for his daughters. “I was afforded the opportunity to know how to act, how to dress and when not to do things, how to do for other people and how to be generous to the ones you love.”
Brand’s primary hopes for his daughters’ future are that they will be healthy and able to provide for themselves.
Heather said she believes her husband is a good role model because he is always even tempered with Sarah and Abigail. “He stays calm even when disciplining,” she said.
Nevertheless, children can teach a thing or two to their parents as well. The quiet little girls who politely sat on the couch while their father tried to think about what he has learned from them, looked at him quick-witted as if to nudge him, and Brand remembered, “Manner, they remind me about my manner.”
Brand, like Rosenthal, is able to stay home quite a bit with his daughters. He inherited commercial property, allowing him to work at his leisure.
“The fact that he can be home is wonderful and my daughters adjusted to it right away,” said Heather. “He is now part of their daily lives and it’s so important.”
As a child Brand especially enjoyed boat riding with his father, a hobby he now enjoys with his daughters.
Heather observed “When we go on the boat and the girls sit in the captain seat with him, he teaches them indirectly how to steer the boat. It’s neat because they have their little routine between them, that’s a place where they bond.”
Heather sees her husband in her daughters in many ways. “They are also starting to get more of his sense of humor.”