Stop the presses!

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    Malibu News Briefs!

    Malibu City Council candidates and incumbents are extending dinner invitations to each other to prove their mutual love and respect despite appearances to the contrary during the current campaign. All agreed that their comments concerning each other were taken out of context and that any harsh statements were made by well-meaning but overzealous press representatives.

    Barbra Streisand has offered to tear down all her houses, fill in the basement excavations, pitch a tent a half mile back from the bluffs and sell handsome Jim Brolin to the highest bidder with the money going to charity, just to assuage her neighbors and show what a good sport she is. Neighbors respond, “Is that all?”

    The Malibu Philosophical and Debating Society, ala “The 8 AM Gang at Lily’s,” have promised to (1) give full support to whatever candidate is elected (2) to refrain from criticizing any council members or measures in the future, (3) to speak only in subdued tones or whispers in their daily morning discussions, the latter due to complaints from residents of Forest Lawn as well as local roosters.

    Pending legislation before the City Council will bar gray whales from PCH unless they have a special city permit. Pink elephants are reported to be next.

    “Do it Yourself” pothole repair kits are available at a local building supply store. They consist of 50 lbs. of quick mix asphalt, a shovel, a tamper, thirty aspirin tablets, muscle liniment, and a list of curse words approved by the local clergy. I’ll be darned.

    The average age of the Malibu Optimist Club is so high the Senior Citizens’ Club is suing for invasion of primacy. The Optimists are looking for a “few young men” in their 60’s or guys with “the real stuff” in their 70’s. If you’re over 50, they waitlist you.

    (And a belated April Fool’s Day to you!)

    Bill Dowey