In a normal Malibu summer, those words would ring true—except for the cotton, of course. When you think of a warm summer evening, most people think of sitting, looking at the ocean, and sipping a glass of wine and watching fireworks. In Malibu, our thoughts turn not to fireworks, but usually to our septic systems and the hope they won’t overflow when one of our damn fool city guests with no experience in country living throws something into a toilet that doesn’t belong.
The Los Angeles Regional Water Quality Control Board (RWQCB) worries about the same thing, and for only $41 million or maybe $61 million or whatever it ends up being, if you own large pieces of commercial land in the Civic Center, or have the misfortune to own a home inside the butterfly (remember that name), meaning Serra, Malibu Colony, much of Malibu Road, many of the Civic Center adjacent properties, plus others that are close, you will have to pay, and pay, and pay.
Certainly if we decide we don’t want to pay in 2015 (actually now 2016 because it’s about a year behind schedule), every septic system in the Civic Center (the commercial core of our town) has to be disconnected, and we either close down and essentially go out of business, or alternatively we become the porta potty capitol of the world. Then in 2019 (now 2020) all of the surrounding homes in the butterfly have to hook into the sewer system (assuming it exists) or disconnect and go the porta potty route.
I apologize for this somewhat cynical introduction into what is really a very complex topic with serious scientific, political, legal and policy questions. Over the next few years, in a series of environmental reports, public hearings, city council meetings, RWQCB meetings, probably private conferences, state water board meetings, courtroom battles and, I would imagine, a few screaming matches at any of those locations, I promise you that you will all end up knowing more about septics than any of you ever cared to know.
For now, I’ll just set the stage. The 800-pound gorilla in all of this is the RWQCB, is a state agency that calls the shots under the authority that flows to it from the state water board, which draws its powers from some state statutes and mostly the Federal Clean Water Act, which, I suspect, comes from God. This act came into being in no small part because the river outside of Cincinnati, Ohio, caught fire and they couldn’t put it out and Congress (back in those days, when Congress actually did something) decided it was time to act, and they did. It made eminent sense and still does, but, as they say, the devil is in the details. The questions we are now confronting are these:
• Do we really need this sewer system in central Malibu?
• If so, who should be paying for it?
• Why aren’t the state and county helping pay for this?
• How is it that our beaches are a great state and regional asset until it comes to paying for something and suddenly it’s a local problem that we are expected to solve?
• Is the Memo of Understanding that the city signed with the RWQCB (certainly very much under duress, I might add) a fair attempt to solve a large area, or did we just get hosed?
• Is there a regional problem, like sewage and runoff, coming down from the watershed and flowing to the ocean that we’re being asked to solve?
• If so, where are Calabasas, Agoura Hills and Westlake Village in all this? Why doesn’t the RWQCB even appear to care if the costs are proportionally fair, or is the word “fair” just a word that isn’t in the environmental lexicon?
• When it comes to splitting up costs, are the Civic Center commercial property owners paying their fair share of the system or are the adjacent homeowners ultimately being asked, actually commanded, to subsidize the system?
• Is it possible that the 1,000 or so people living in the general vicinity of the Civic Center could conceivably have a urine output so enormous that it outweighs the urine output of the 15 million visitors who come to Malibu, and requires that Malibu pay for it all?
• Lastly, can we expect some fair and even-handed treatment from the RWQCB, considering that one of their members is Madelyn Glickfeld, a longtime Malibuite who certainly knows the community, or is this an instant replay of our experience with Sara Wan, another longtime Malibuite, when she was Chair of the California Coastal Commission?
Those are just some of the questions that come to mind, and many more will pop up in the next few years.
As for the answers, no one knows yet, but you can expect answers to emerge as the process moves on.