March has been a month of recognition for causes both ordinary and odd. It is, of course, the month when we honor Women’s History and such worthy groups as the American Red Cross and Professional Social Workers. March is National Kidney Month, National Nutrition Month, also National Peanut Month and Poison Prevention Awareness Month.
Well and good. But tell me, if you can, why we are also celebrating Sleep Awareness. An oxymoron of the first order. If you are asleep, how can you be aware? Having suffered briefly from both insomnia and borderline narcolepsy, I can tell you that awareness is rarely a part of this picture. Insomnia, however short the period of sleep deprivation, can make you mean, nervous, cranky, groggy and even maniacal. But rarely aware. Narcoleptics, who can nod off mid-sentence still staring you in the eye, are similarly unaware of their rudeness in having drifted away, particularly when you are talking to them. They are blissfully aware-less.
And speaking of insomniacs and narcoleptics, we also celebrate in March, National Caffeine Awareness. A grande double espresso can give you the jitters, heartburn, palpitations and arrhythmia, all of which will make you aware that you should have ordered decaf. On the other hand, quitting caffeine cold turkey may produce a whopping headache that can last as long as two weeks or until you wimp out and decide to wean yourself off gradually. Having kicked the habit, it pays to be aware that caffeine turns up where you least expect it-headache remedies, nutrition bars, coffee flavored ice cream-and masquerades as guarrana, kola nut, cocca, Mata Tea and “Sensa” juice. Caffeine content is not required on ingredient lists, though the labels on some tea packages now state either caffeine free or naturally low in caffeine. And don’t forget chocolate. Decaf mocha latte is a contradiction in terms.
But take heart, this is also Optimism Month, however hard that is to imagine in an election year. Others, perhaps deemed unworthy of a whole month of awareness, have been designated only one day of note: The Peace Corps, the National Anthem, Mom and Pop Business Owners, Working Women, Salespersons, Legal Assistants, Girl Scouts, the Scrapbook Industry and Agriculture all have their day. And even porkers. March 1, in case you weren’t watching the trough, was National Pig Day. On a more ominous note, our fearless leaders have devoted the week of March 17 to the Anniversary of Operation Iraqi Freedom. Beginning, incongruously, the day after Freedom of Information Day. Aren’t these the same folks who tried to completely gut the Freedom of Information Act?
And what is it we’re meant to be celebrating here? The beginning of war, the opening salvos, the preemptive strike, certainly not the end of hostilities. We celebrate shock and awe and in the same breath slash benefits for veterans. We praise our men and women in uniform, but deny recognition of those who return to Dover Air Force Base (where TV cameras are barred) in flag-draped coffins. Those who are fighting for Iraqi Freedom don’t have a chance to fight for our Freedom of Information Act, to defend our right to privacy, our right to question certain provisions in the Patriot Act without being called unpatriotic or worse yet, traitors.
All this in a month dedicated to optimism. But then it’s also the month that began with National Pig Day.