Fostering the student-teacher relationship
The countdown has ended and the start of another school year is here. Most parents I know fall into one of two categories: either they couldn’t wait for the relief, and quiet, of the kids out from underfoot and requiring a ride somewhere every 30 seconds, or they were dreading the routine and restrictions imposed when the schedules and homework dominate the family’s life.
But regardless of whether you’re ready to shift gears and resume school life or not, it’s upon us again, and there are some things we can do that might make a big difference in how your child, and you, fare this year.
The number one concern most parents have, certainly for their elementary school children, is whether the new teacher and their teaching style will be a good fit for their child. This is understandable. When you send your little one off to spend six or seven hours a day in the care of another adult, it can make a real difference if they feel a connection with the teacher.
We are fortunate to have some outstanding teachers working in our schools. But there are still things that parents can do to foster a good relationship between teacher and student. More than anything, the way a parent approaches the child’s new teacher, both in front of the teacher and child when they meet and with the child at home, will affect the child’s view of the teacher. Focus on those characteristics you’ve seen in the teacher that you think will offer your child something positive to focus on, whether it’s her voice, his smile or the neat collection of starfish she has at the back of the room. Remind your youngster of something positive the teacher said about him or her, to help them remember the ways this particular teacher “saw” her.
At the middle and high school level, this will apply as well. The only difference is there are more teachers to deal with, which means there is probably a greater likelihood one or two of them aren’t the ideal match for your youngster. Still, when you focus on the positive, you teach your youngster important relationships skills.
This by no means is meant to suggest that parents should discount a child’s discomfort with a teacher. But generally, a child picks up a lot of information about how they should feel toward any adult in their life by observing the parent’s comments and body language.
If there are legitimate problems between the child and teacher, they should be addressed, and I always caution parents to deal with teacher problems sooner rather than later. Make sure your child knows you’re interested in hearing their concerns if they aren’t comfortable in the classroom, and set up a brief meeting or phone conversation with the teacher so things don’t brew quietly in the child’s mind and affect their schoolwork. But approach this from a positive, problem-solving mode rather than encouraging gripe sessions at the end of every school day. Complaining for complaining’s sake is ineffective and a poor approach to dealing with life’s challenges.
In the first week or two of school, how you frame the teacher for your child, including the inevitable differences in style or structure that often upset a child who has gotten used to how last year’s teacher did things, will make a huge difference in how your child adapts and adjusts.
The number one determinant in how well a child performs in school, including how well they behave in the classroom, how much effort they put into projects, and whether they do their homework (and then whether they actually turn it in), is how well they feel connected to and liked by their teacher.
So get ready to help foster that relationship, and you and your child will be well on your way to having a good school year. And before you know it, it’ll be June, and you’ll be gazing once again upon the endless expanse of summer’s freedom.
Malibu resident Susan Stiffelman is a licensed marriage family and child therapist.