A circle of kindness
It’s not easy being nice. And I’ve been trying now for days!
In our household, we find a dare hard to resist, especially one with no risk of physical impairment or social opprobrium. Surely we could each be nice for 21 days in a row. For those of you counting, that’s 504 hours or 30,240 minutes-only a third of which can be escaped by sleeping.
What were we thinking?
I had read an article about a mid-western pastor who took $7,000 from the collection box and bought cartons of purple rubber bracelets imprinted with the word “Spirit”-overstock from a high school football team. The good reverend challenged his flock to wear the bracelets on their right arms as long as they were nice -no griping, grumpy demands or gossip. As soon as parishioners veered into carping, they had to transfer the bracelets to their left wrists. In this community, a left-armed purple circlet became a neighborhood brand as searing as a scarlet “A.”
For weeks, no one could get to the magic goal of 21, so they began devising creative strategies for keeping the rubber on the right. The best tactic to stem a blurted gripe was, “I’ll bet that guy can really whistle!”-church code for “everybody has some redeeming virtue.” They also devised a remedy for the ambiguous complaint. For example, is “I am so tired” a gripe or a simple statement of fact? The minister judged them mere objective observations and yielded the grumblers a pass.
My family decided to give being nice a go. Each of us slipped a bracelet on his or her right wrist and set forth with smug confidence.
It turns out that my husband, Bill, was the first to falter, but he was also the most creative contestant. He kept his bracelet with a variation on the rules. Instead of flattering someone annoying with the church’s quip, “I’ll bet he can whistle,” Bill took a shortcut and simply whistled. Driving down the busy 405, it sounded like a flock of bluebirds was captive in the car. I was challenged next as I literally choked swallowing my words. I started laughing at how hard it was to remain benign for a single day.
The strange thing about all this whistling and gulping down gripes, though, was that it seemed to shrink every annoyance by the simple act of letting it pass without comment.
And then an awful thought occurred to me: Was it enough? Was I sinning “in my heart?” After all, I had had negative thoughts even though I had said nothing aloud. Was I cheating by keeping the bracelet on my right wrist?
I concluded that it is enough for mere mortals to be conscious of our utterances. An unblemished conscience is the realm of saints and Mother Teresa, not flawed suburbanites with hectic, hybrid lives.
It’s a battle to be magnanimous and I lost Sunday morning. I have begun anew and, armed with good intentions winking on my wrist, I’m at 26 hours and counting.
Simple Crab Cakes
Serves 4
To my mind, crab cakes should be about the crab. Often, they are heavy with crumbs or flecked with chopped peppers and onions, strong flavors that mask the sweet, briny flavor of pure crabmeat. I bind the crab with just enough additives to hold them together and I serve them, simply, with lemon. If you feel the urge for Cajun zip, add a side of remoulade.
1 egg
1/ 2 cup thick mayonnaise
2 – 3 Tbs. sour cream
1 Tbs. Dijon mustard (optional)
1 pound can of lump crabmeat*
1. Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Spray a thick cookie sheet with a lightly flavored oil.
2. Mix together everything except the crab and then gently fold it in.
3. Scoop out large spoonfuls and shape into patties 1-inch thick. Distribute on cookie sheet.
4. Bake 3 minutes. Test with a spatula to make sure they’re not sticking. Bake another 10 minutes. Finish with a quick browning under the broiler.
* I buy Phillips crab when it’s on sale at Costco.
Homemade Mayonnaise
Adapted from “The New Basics Cookbook”
This takes 3 minutes and lasts five days, but the flavor premium over store-bought is memorable. If you must use commercial mayonnaise, add a squeeze of lemon and a dash of olive oil to brighten the taste.
2 egg yolks
1 whole egg
1 Tbs. whole-grain mustard
Pinch of salt
White pepper
3 Tbs. fresh lemon juice
1 cup canola or safflower oil
2 cup olive oil
1. Combine all ingredients except oils in the bowl of a food processor and spin one minute.
2. With the motor running, slowly stream in the oils and watch the transformation. Adjust seasonings.