Letter: Cheap Fleas

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Letter to the Editor

My master has always admired and continues to support community organizations such as the Rotary and Lions Clubs, as they serve an important function for local concerns. However, I wonder if my fellow domesticated buddies feel the same enthusiasm as people do.

Case in point: the recent announcement on page A7 of the Sept. 18 issue of the The Malibu Times. To wit: the upcoming 38th Annual Flea Market in our quaint town with, of all things, a photo of a young, rather concerned, beautiful puppy contemplating this event. Who came up with this theme? As I focus my snout and read this ad, I bet I feel the same way as that doggie presumably does, especially is he’s a guide dog in training.

I can imagine the thoughts running through the frazzled neural networks of this innocent fella, “What luck … all I need at this time of the year is to know that next week, the patrons of this lovely oasis will be selling — at major discounted rates — swarms of fleas! So now, with the coyotes organized in gangs, in full bloom, lurking in the brush for an opportunity to bite my butt off [literally], I am faced with what I consider to be the perennial pest of my species: these dinky skin-gnawing insects. I can envision a coordinated attack by these four-legged and six-legged creatures. If I don’t take immediate action, I’ll get bitten 24/7, from all sides, at all angles, while I scratch and sprint simultaneously, ad nauseam. I think it’s off to the pleasant, sanitized confines of the International Space Station for me. But first, I gotta change my name to some Russian sounding Professor of Canine Biotechnology.”

Shlomo Hercules, as dictated to my dear human compadre, David Pepper