Fire Rebuild

Burt Ross

People frequently ask me two questions—“When will your house be finished?” and “Are you excited?” The answers to these two questions are “Hopefully before I die,” and “No.”

Please allow me to elaborate.

When I was born in 1943, the life expectancy for a male was approximately 72 years. What that means is I am living on borrowed time. I do not know when my number will be called (sounds like I am standing on a delicatessen line), but the way I look at it, I am in a race to move back into my home before my remains become an ornament on the mantelpiece. 

Yes, I know I am being melodramatic, but that is why I get paid the big bucks. The simple fact is nobody is paying me big bucks, or little bucks, for that matter, but I just love the expression and use it whenever I possibly can. 

As for whether I am enjoying the process of rebuilding, the word “no” does not remotely do justice to how I feel. Of course, I am grateful to have the insurance proceeds which allow me to pass my remaining days rebuilding, whereas I could be doing something useful like taking a nap.

I do have some good news to share with you all. After considerable time and thought, I have decided to go forward with black weatherstripping. I passed on beige, and am very proud of myself. And if that news isn’t exciting enough for you, I also concluded that the door hinges should be finished in bronze or brass or something like that.    

Lest you think for one moment that picking the color of weatherstripping or the finish for door hinges brings me remotely closer to the finish line, guess again. There are thousands more decisions to be made, and I can honestly say that a law should be passed allowing only two choices for every product. I can’t think of legislation which would make my life more enjoyable.

I need to stop writing, because I am off to look at crown moldings. I am not really sure what crown moldings are, but I am going to look at them anyway. Perhaps now you might understand why I would rather get root canal work done than rebuild a house.