This article is by a family therapist responding to the tragic news that a Malibu teenager took her life last Wednesday.
During the past 25 years, the rate of suicide among 15- to 24-year-olds has tripled. It is considered to be the third most common cause of death among adolescents. Young people who suffer from a psychological disorder, especially depression, bipolar disorder, and alcohol/ or substance abuse, are at a far greater risk. Other factors include feelings of agitation or irritability, hopelessness, low self-worth, a family history of depression or suicide, or a previous suicide attempt. Additionally, those who have suffered physical or sexual abuse, lack a supportive family or peer network, or are in the midst of a particularly stressful life event can be especially at risk.
Human beings are meant to raise children in a tribe; this is how it has been done throughout history until relatively recent times. Parenting is difficult at best, but when it’s carried out with just two parents (or often one) who themselves are feeling disconnected, stressed and isolated, it can feel overwhelming at times. We all need someone to lean on at times, and our children benefit from knowing that they are being raised in a village of caring and involved adults. So for all of us in our little “village” of Malibu, it’s important to remember the isolation and disconnectedness that many of our teenagers experience, and to let those young people in our lives-whether they’re our own children, or our student, or the neighbor next door-know that we care.
The following warning signs are important to note:
€Talk about suicide or death in general
€ Talk about “going away”
€ Talk about feeling hopeless or feeling guilty
€ Pulling away from friends or family
€ Losing the desire to take part in favorite things or activities
€ Having trouble concentrating or thinking clearly
€ Changes in eating or sleeping habits
€ Self-destructive behavior (drinking alcohol, taking drugs, or driving too fast, for example).
If you suspect that your child is severely depressed or considering suicide, please get help immediately. Your doctor or a hospital’s department of psychiatry can provide referrals. The Suicide Prevention Center, which is affiliated with the Didi Hirsch Center in Los Angeles, has an excellent hotline at 877.727.4747. Their Web site is http://www.suicidepreventioncenter.org
If your child knows someone who has committed suicide, many powerful feelings may emerge, either right away or over time. It’s vital that parents-and others the child feels connected to-offer time and a willing ear to help untangle these emotions, which may include guilt, anger, or depression. Your youngster, on the other hand, may feel very little. It’s important to communicate that there are no right or wrong feelings, and simply to be your youngster’s North Star, consistently available to help deal with whatever feelings they might be experiencing.
Susan Stiffelman