A discouraging word, or three
Admit it. Even though you may have tried to have your telephone number placed on the Do Not Call List, you are still getting unwanted telemarketing calls. This is probably because the telemarketing firm has an exemption from the law. Charities, which may include local law enforcement, political candidates and any business with which you had any dealings whatsoever during the past decade or so are not in violation of the law. The reasons for this are known only to telemarketing lobbyists.
For instance: I had my phone number placed on the National Do Not Call List very soon after receiving my new number not quite two years ago. After the 60-day waiting period, I still got calls every day for almost a year from a machine warning me that the warranty on my car was about to expire. I tried to get them stopped by pressing 2 as instructed at the end of the recorded message. No luck. I called the Subaru dealer to complain that they had sold my number. They denied it. Well, duh, how else would they know when my warranty was due to expire?
I regularly get calls from a credit card company. The recorded message says I must return the call immediately although there is no current problem with my account. Of course there isn’t. I haven’t used the stupid card for years.
I also am getting badgered by some satellite dish companies, and I know I haven’t done any business with them ever because I can’t have a dish here and besides, the whole place is wired for cable at no cost to any resident. Well, unless you want HBO, which I do, but it costs a fortune.
A friend recently e-mailed a copy of Andy Rooney’s advice on discouraging telemarketers given on “60 Minutes.” He advises that three little words, “Hold on, please” should do the trick if you then put down the phone and walk off instead of hanging up immediately. This ploy would make each telemarketing call so much more time-consuming that “boiler room” sales would grind to a halt, he says. Well, maybe.
The idea is to leave the phone off the hook long enough to tie up their line as long as possible. When your phone starts beeping loudly, hang up. I’ve been doing this for years, even putting a pillow over it and turning up the radio to tie it up a bit longer. Of course, you wouldn’t do this if you were expecting a real call.
Rooney explains that phantom calls containing no message, just dead air, is a telemarketing technique where a machine makes the call and records the time of day a person answers. This determines the best time for a “real” salesperson to call back and get someone at home. Rooney’s advice is if there’s nobody on the line, immediately start hitting the # (pound) button as rapidly as possible at least six or seven times. This confuses their machine and automatically kicks your number out of their system. I didn’t know that. Well, I’m willing to try anything.
If when you answer there’s a live body on the line, try blowing a loud, high-pitched whistle into the receiver. A dozen stray dogs may run to your door but at least you’ve deafened the caller possibly long enough for him or her to rip your number from the list.
Rooney doesn’t suggest what to do if the caller asks for you by name. No matter how aggravating the interruption, I try not to be rude. Well, you never know who it might be. What I do is fib. They ask for Pam Linn, I ask who is calling. If they reply with a generic first name and no business name or if they launch into their sales pitch, I say, “Sorry, this is the housekeeper.” Well, that’s not exactly a lie as I occasionally wield the Swiffer or hose out the fridge. I add, “Mrs. Linn is out (how far out I don’t say) and she’s not expected for a month (or some date way in the future).” This is also at least partially true. I am out a lot and nobody here ever expects me at a given time.
Meanwhile, I can’t wait to try Rooney’s suggestion to thwart the phantom caller. I’ve even practiced to see how many times I can hit the pound button in five seconds. My personal best is eight taps. If that doesn’t confuse the machine enough to get my number off the list, I could resort to never answering unless I recognize the Caller ID number.
If the Prize Patrol calls, I’m out of luck.