Far be it from me to claim age discrimination when few people enjoy the benefits of old age more than I do. Getting a senior citizen’s discount at the movies is one of the joys of my life, even if it means seeing a film on a beautiful weekday in the early afternoon. And I relish Medicare to the point where I sometimes contemplate going to the doctor not because I have a medical problem, but because the thought of all the money I am saving makes me happy.
So it is with a heavy heart that I charge California’s DMV with outrageous age discrimination. Four years ago, I moved to Malibu and took the written test for a driver’s license, so you can understand how devastated I was to get a notice that simply because I am over 70, I need to take the same test again.
If I were 30 or 40 or 50 or even 69, I would not have to retake their test, but even though I have not had so much as a parking ticket, let alone an accident or a traffic violation, I am required to retake the written exam. If that isn’t age discrimination, I don’t know what is. The assumption is that when you reach the magic age of 70, you are losing it, but in my case, I started losing it decades ago.
I now have to use the little brain capacity I have left to study sample questions such as “If it is raining and you notice a nun crossing the street, you should: 1) plow her down; 2) accelerate your speed and go around her; or 3) stop and wait for her to cross.” Now that I have lost all power of critical thinking, I would probably select answer #2, but four years ago when I had my faculties, I might have answered #3.
To make matters worse — as if they possibly could be — I failed the sample online test miserably. Give me a break! I am starting to feel downright Republican with all this unfair discriminatory governmental regulation. Some of the questions are just plain impossible to figure out.
I was really stumped by the following: “You are allowed to dump a dead animal on a freeway when: 1) in rural areas; 2) the traffic is moving less than 55 mph; or 3) under no circumstances.” How was I supposed to figure out the answer was #3 when my rapidly deteriorating brain told me #1 was the perfect choice?
It is bad enough that the over-70 crowd needs to take this stupid test again, but now that our mental faculties are going, going, gone, we really have to concentrate just to be allowed on the road.
If you see me hitch hiking around Malibu, you will correctly conclude that I did not exactly ace the written exam.