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3 modest proposals

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The following letter was sent to the Malibu Planning Commission in lieu of public comment, which was not allowed at the April 2 meeting.

Subject: Civic Center Guidelines.

The Malibu Township Council urges the Commission to postpone further consideration of the guidelines proposed for discussion tonight, or any Civic Center development guidelines, pending completion and evaluation of a Cumulative Environmental Impact Analysis, as required by state law, encompassing all potential development in the Civic Center. MTC believes that a Cumulative Environmental Impact Analysis evaluating the capacity of the environment to absorb development, in conjuction with an EIR evaluating the impact of the development on the environment, will provide the information currently lacking that is necessary to prepare realistic and achievable guidelines.

With all constraints on development identified and evaluated, the planning process can commence prioritizing community needs for playing fields, parks, community building, wetlands, and other open space. After these paramount community needs have been addressed, the task of specifiying the extent and description of commercial development for each Civic Center property consistent with community needs, the capacity of the infrastructure and environment to sustain the impact, and the rural character of the community can be undertaken.

MTC reminds this Commission that although the City Attorney and staff claim these proposed guidelines have no legal effect, a draft ordinance following approval by this Commission and the City Council would have a legal effect leading to a change in the General Plan and IZO and require an EIR. Adopting at this time these seemingly development-friendly guidelines of shared wastewater treatment plants, city-provided roadway and intersection reconfiguration and improvements, easing of design standards, intensification of permitted uses, etc., would imply approval, and would act immediately to drive up the value of the Civic Center properties. The effect would significantly conflict with the efforts by bond measure, or other funding means, to acquire portions of the Civic Center land the community sorely needs for public purposes.

MTC is concerned that these guidelines will not guide the future and serve the needs of this environmentally blessed community that so overwhelmingly endorsed the values and spirit so strongly expressed in the General Plan Vision, “Malibu is a unique land and marine environment and residential community whose citizens have historically evidenced commitment to sacrifice urban and suburban conveniences in order to protect that environment and lifestyle,” and the General Plan Mission Statement, “Malibu will maintain its rural character by establishing programs and policies that avoid suburbanization and commercialization of its natural and cultural resources.”

In addition, from the Economic Plan prepared by Applied Development Economics in April 2000 and approved unanimously by the City Council, “A significant segment of Malibu’s citizens wanting the Civic Center area to remain as open space … [the] City should commission a study of all tools that can be used to protect the area as open space [i.e., down-zoning propery, acquisition, etc.] and implementing the study’s recommendations.”

It is quite a departure from these lofty ideals to be considering proposed guidelines tonight which appear to be designed to facilitate and support the addition of new, predominantly commercial development that almost quadruples the existing commercial development in the Civic Center, resulting in an astounding potential total build-out of about 1,200,000 square feet without due regard to known environmental constraints.

For these reasons MTC requests that the Planning Commission recommend to the City Council the following:

1. That it drop consideration of these excessive growth-inducing guidelines.

2. That it do nothing at this time which would conflict with efforts of Malibu citizens and others, by bond initiative or other means, to raise funds for acquisition of land for playing fields, parks, open space, or other community needs.

3. That guidelines for development in the Civic Center be considered only after completion of a Cumulative Environmental Impact Analysis of all properties in the Civic Center and a preliminary determination by the council of the extent of development which might be permitted each property owner.

Efrom Fader

President of MTC

No faith in faith-based charities

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Re: Faith-based charity. In this instance, the politicians are doing the wrong thing for the right reasons. Charities are indeed, as history and experience have proven, the best safety net. As the publisher of this paper pointed out they are more efficient and caring. Government welfare is at best a destructive failure as the numerous destroyed families, multiple generations of children having children, people who know nothing better than a life of government dependency, special-interest leaders whose political and economic existence depends on the largesse of government money, and a parasitic bureaucracy that only wants to perpetuate itself, not actually solve any poverty. Where President Bush and the Republicans have it wrong is that government is not the one to fund such private charities. With government money comes government control and that naturally raises the specter of separation of church and state. Do we support the varied religions with state money? Would religions submit to government control to get government money? Does this violate the First Amendment: “Government shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion”? As we have seen throughout history, the best way to destroy freedom of religion is to have the government fund it.

The real point that is usually missed by voters is that politicians want to have control. I am a Libertarian and am well aware of this. As long as Washington controls the money whether by grants to faith-based charity or money put into welfare programs, politicians are the ones that you have to come to, if you want more money, changes in policy or power. They are not really concerned about the elimination of poverty or human suffering otherwise welfare programs as the failures they are would have been gone a long time ago. They only use these issues to retain power and stay in office. Bush wants to please the religious right by instituting charity as a safety net, all well and good, but he still retains power and control by using government money, in other words our tax dollars. It is a way of buying votes from his constituency like the liberal Democrats buy votes with the welfare programs for theirs and that is the bottom line for any of these politicians whether they are Republican or Democrat. Staying in office, staying in power, controlling the money and making sure that voters come to them, well that is the real reason behind all of this.

Charities are indeed the way to go, but Bush and also the Democrats will not do it the way it should be done. If the Republicans really wanted charities to do it, this is the way it would happen. The politicians would return tax money to the people, then take money out of their own wallets and give that money to the private charity or faith-based charity of their choice and encourage all Americans to do the same. That is the way a Libertarian would do it. As long as voters keep electing Republicans and Democrats the perversion of charitable giving and the destruction of freedoms written in the Constitution will continue and this society will suffer even more as a result.

Charles Black

State Senate candidate, Libertarian Party

Is state powerless to resolve this mess?

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It is clear we won’t be getting much in the way of leadership from our guv, Dithering Davis, whose management style could be described most kindly as glacial. In the nine months since the power price crunch hit San Diego, he has been in denial, apparently wedded to the if-I-do-nothing-it-won’t-be-my-fault theory of governing.

Did he really think this mess would go away on its own? Did he think he could save his political backside by reminding voters that his Republican predecessor signed deregulation into law? Not any more, sir.

An instant replay:

It’s December, and Davis blasts the feds for rejecting his bid for a regional price cap on wholesale rates in favor of a temporary cap while ordering an overhaul of the state’s wacky electricity market.

Then he spends about $3 billion buying electricity for the utilities, which say they are going belly up. Next he tries to broker a deal to buy the transmission lines to give utility companies enough money to pay the billions they owe to power generators. None of this solves the real problem. Californians use more power than they produce.

Obvious answer: Use less while you figure out how to produce more. Politicians can’t take this tack because it angers their big donors and frustrates voters.

The new power plants under construction belong to out-of-state companies. Hey, they know a good thing when they see it. The plants will use natural gas, also in short supply and getting costlier every day. Could it be these same guys own the natural gas wells?

Meanwhile, existing co-generation plants sit idle because they haven’t been paid for deliveries to the utilities since last fall. Wind generating plants in Tehachapi are often off production, not because the wind doesn’t blow, but because transmission lines aren’t adequate to handle the load. And negotiations to buy the existing lines have bogged down over whether the state can buy the land beneath them or just the lines.

All the while Davis swears he will not allow rate increases to consumers and businesses. When the state Public Utilities Commission orders a hefty hike March 27, our fearless leader leaves PUC President Loretta Lynch out to dry, “distancing himself” from the rate-hike decision. Puhleeze.

Davis spent billions of taxpayers’ money to shore up the state’s utilities, saying the state can’t allow the lights to go out. Why couldn’t he have spent the money buying back the power plants from the Texans and building new transmission lines? And maybe funding construction of new plants that use alternative energy sources. We seem to have more than enough wind in Sacramento to give the state power independence.

In his much heralded address to the state Thursday, with deer-in-the-headlights delivery, he reversed every position he had held until Wednesday. He says, with a straight face, rate hikes are now good, conservation is now good, out-of-state power generators are still bad and federal regulators are worse for not cracking down on those dirty price gougers. This is a plan? What does he expect? The feds work for Dubya. The power generators are Texans. Duh!

The next day debt-ridden PG&E files for bankruptcy, notwithstanding the $2.5 billion cash it has on hand, but not before paying its own managers more than $50 million in bonuses. Aren’t these the same folks who took the billions they got from selling their power plants a few years ago and paid it to the parent company’s shareholders? Is this whole thing a giant shell game? Whose money is it? Where is it? Better not wait for our guv to produce the answers.

MALIBU SEEN

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Entertainment Writer

DUDE, WHERE’S MY LIMO?

Oscar lovely Hilary Swank and her actor hubby Chad Lowe ditched the stretch stuff at this year’s Independent Spirit Awards in Santa Monica. The celeb couple showed their independent spirit by arriving on mountain bikes (with Hilary in white chiffon and heels, no less!). The event, kind of a kicked-back Oscar bash, honored films produced outside the studio system.

“Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” picked up trophies for Best Feature, Best Director and Best Supporting Female. Best Actress gold went to Ellen Burstyn for “Requiem for a Dream,” while Javier Bardem of “Before Night Falls'” took home the prize for Best Actor.

On the fashion front it was a mixed bag, with stars like Willem Dafoe, Marcia Gay Harden, Geoffrey Rush, Holly Hunter and Joan Allen sporting everything from beaded gowns to blue jeans.

“Pink Flamingo” John Waters served as master of ceremonies. The very independent filmmaker urged actors and directors to push the limits, be daring and most of all, be edgy — “Not washing your hair,” he mused, “is not enough.”

SINGING THE BLUE

American songwriters were given a grand old salute by the Music Center’s Fraternity of Friends and the Blue Ribbon. Hundreds of music lovers packed the Mark Taper Forum for a special performance called “The Writer, the Singer, the Song.”

Academy Award-winning lyricist Hal David put together an audience-wowing program which featured works by Jimmy Webb, Mike Stoller, Cy Coleman and Marilyn and Alan Bergman.

Webb penned many of rhinestone cowboy Glen Campbell’s top tunes such as “Wichita Lineman,” “Galveston” and “By the Time I Get to Phoenix.” Webb says the secret to his success is all in the wrist. “I’d throw a dart at a map of the United States and wherever it landed, I’d write a song about it.”

The evening was a trip down memory lane as Bergman took the stage for “The Windmills of Your Mind,” followed by David with “I’ll Never Fall in Love Again” and Leiber & Stoller’s “Humphrey Bogart.” An all-star cast headlined the show, including songbird Rosemary Clooney, womanly Helen Reddy, Larry Gatlin, Maureen McGovern, and Dionne Warwick.

STYLE FILE

Local mom and supermodel Cindy Crawford and hubby Rande Gerber were among the A-list celebs who were spicing things up at this year’s Tribute to Style at the Barker Hanger. The annual fundraiser, sponsored by the Entertainment Industry Foundation, benefits arts education programs for children and featured a gourmet dinner and silent auction as well as a sea of stars, Hollywood heavyweights and assorted schmoozers. They were elbow-to-elbow with the likes of Jennifer Lopez, Elizabeth Hurley, Kelsey Grammer and Catherine Zeta-Jones.

Salsa sensation Marc Anthony provided the evening’s hot, hot musical entertainment. The singing, swinging machine told the crowd that the cause has a very special place in his heart. “I am a product of programs that are made possible by foundations and events like this. It’s a symbol that anything is possible.”

Doctor makes international house call

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Although the “in” box was filled above the rim in her Malibu office, Dr. Heather Holmstrom, family practitioner at the UCLA Medical Group offices in Malibu, decided to take a nine-day vacation in March to make some house calls.

But these were not ordinary house calls.

Holmstrom joined a team of 14 people made up of doctors and other volunteers who wanted to make a difference in the lives of others in Central America.

The group’s final destination was a small town on the Atlantic coast in Nicaragua called Puerto Cabezas. There, the volunteers, who use vacation time and pay for their own supplies and expenses, offered medical care to local residents.

This was Holmstrom’s first trip abroad as a doctor and she mostly assisted with pre- and postoperative procedures while Janet Salomonson, a plastic surgeon, performed cleft lip and palate repairs on children.

During their stay in Puerto Cabezas, the doctors not only performed surgery, they also taught local doctors and medical staff how to use the equipment they had provided for them.

“A woman with whom I play soccer introduced me to this trip,” said Holmstrom. “She has gone many times, and introduced me to the rest of the group. I then asked my dad to go.”

Holmstrom’s father, David Holmstrom, had done a lot of traveling but never to a Third World country, she said. He came on the trip to take part in a construction project that would provide a warehouse and a training facility near the hospital.

“We decided to be the first of our family to try the experience, in the hopes that we would later add more family members to the trip,” she said.

“I think he may have been partially motivated to go so that he could keep an eye on his daughter … to make sure I didn’t get into trouble,” joked Holmstrom.

“This was really a family contribution,” said the doctor about her overall journey. “I was the person who actually went on the trip, but my 5-year-old son spent hours with me beforehand helping to organize and prepare the supplies, including sample medications from generous companies and pharmaceutical representatives.”

And Holmstrom’s husband, Pedro Garett, a computer programmer, took the week off to care for their two young children full time while she was gone.

While Holmstrom was modest about her endeavors, Salomonson had different thoughts. “Her role was broader than that,” she said, recounting an event where a child was evaluated by Holmstrom and found to have a heart defect that would not withstand the surgery necessary to repair a cleft palate. “She was doing the medical management of the patients,” said Salomonson.

In Nicaragua, the local staff was not as familiar with using monitors to check on patients after surgery. In the case of oral surgery, “you can interfere with the airway, because of swelling,” said Salomonson, emphasizing the importance of after-surgery monitoring.

Salomonson detailed another instance of Holmstrom’s dedication and professionalism when she followed up on the recovery of a small child who had undergone surgery, despite practical difficulties. Holmstrom went back and forth checking on the child’s well being many times, even though the child was out of recovery.

Holmstrom grew up in Utah and wanted to be a doctor ever since she was in first grade. After graduating from high school, she attended Michigan State University College of Medicine.

She and her husband moved to Southern California, where Holmstrom attended UCLA and completed her residency at Santa Monica Medical Center. She began to work as a family practitioner in Malibu about a year ago.

“We wanted to live someplace warm and in a diverse environment,” said Holmstrom.

Realizing how fortunate they were, the Holmstroms decided to give back, starting with this trip to Nicaragua.

“I am extremely grateful to the people of Nicaragua for sharing their lives with me, and teaching me about their culture,” said Holmstrom about her overall experience. “I hope that we were able to touch their lives in the same way that they touched ours.

“I also met some incredible people that went on the trip with us,” she added. “Their courage and stamina was inspiring. It was definitely a bonding experience.

“Doing a trip like this, and sharing the experience with people who share your same goals, is something that no one can ever take away,” said Holmstrom, comparing the trip to sharing a freshman year in college with a roommate, but with a much quicker and more intense bonding.

Salomonson summed up the personal satisfaction of going on these trips eloquently when she said: “It punctuates my life. While most people go on with a weekly routine that seems to make time go by without notice, endeavors like these international medical trips give back a sense of time, they slow the passage of time down for a while for those who participate.”

Holmstrom plans to go back to Nicaragua, possibly next spring, but in the meantime, she will treasure the time she spent there in many ways.

“I learned about ‘Nicaraguan time,’ ” she said, of the more relaxed way that locals pass and spend time there. “Even though we were working all day, it felt much more relaxed because you took things more slowly, and got to them when you could. When I came back I really noticed how fast we all move, and how much more stress that adds to the day.”

A 10-year roller-coaster ride

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As Malibu prepared for incorporation in 1991, optimism held for greater increases in property values. It was not to be.

The average sale price of a home hovered at just more than $1.3 million during 1991, but sales fell off dramatically. The sales results of ’91 portended a local real estate market that would drop off the map and bring the local industry into a near depression.

The average price 10 years later is 33 percent higher, at more than $1.7 million, but the ride to current levels began in 1991 as a roller coaster ride with the scary part first.

The incorporation of Malibu had a negative influence on Malibu real estate prices in two particular ways.

First, in anticipation of a new city government that was assumed to be unfriendly to new construction and expansion, many home building projects were rushed through county approvals in the months preceding the March incorporation. As a result, while buyer demand was declining, new homes glutted the market and forced prices down.

Secondly, the new city council immediately instituted a building moratorium and other restrictive measures that made property in Malibu less useful, and thus less valuable. Within three years after incorporation, raw land values sank by as much as 60 percent. Though the supply of homes was limited, the underlying land component was reduced so greatly that overall values diminished. The cost of fighting local bureaucracy, a problem that remains to this day, further subtracted from local values.

Within a few years, hundreds of local homeowners owed more on their mortgage than their property was worth. Dozens of longtime residents fled Malibu, forced out by foreclosure.

The median average of a Malibu home in 1991 was $925,000. By 1995, it was $680,000. The market had fallen more than 25 percent.

The new city council was not entirely to blame for Malibu’s plummeting real estate values. Southern California’s economy was weakening overall in 1991, led by reductions in the defense industry after the Cold War ended. Rioting in the wake of the Rodney King verdict cast a further pall on Southland real estate.

The market, similarly to today’s, may have been due for a “correction” after the blitz of the late ’80s. Nobody could have predicted, however, beginning in 1991, that the market would experience its worst decline in history. At its lowest point, one-third of Malibu home sales was foreclosures and an additional number were sold with short payoffs to the bank, a new concept whereby lenders agreed to allow homes to be sold and accepted less than they were owed.

The downward momentum changed in 1997. The median average rose above $700,000 that year, and broke $1 million in 1999. Last year, it went to $1,250,000.

Several homes that were for sale in 1991 have been listed or sold again in recent months. Here’s a look at their market history through the years.

A home at the top of Malibu Country Estates was listed for just under $1 million in the summer of ’91. It had three bedrooms and an ocean view. It sold the next year at $890,000. The same home sold again in ’96 for $735,000. Recently, it was listed at $1,125,000.

On 55 feet of Las Flores Beach, one of the nicer beach homes in the neighborhood was listed 10 years ago for just under $4 million. The home remained on the market for most of the decade. It finally sold last year for $2,750,000, a high for that beach.

A Point Dume home, with a small lot but nice ocean views, was listed for $835,000. It finally sold in 1994 for about $500,000. The house and property were completely redone and had brief market exposure recently at roughly $1.5 million.

Several new homes on Ramirez Mesa behind the Malibu Villas were listed in the $2.5 million range. None sold for even close to that. Through 1997, the most any sold for was $1.5 million; to date, none has passed $2 million.

Rick Wallace of the Coldwell Banker company has been a Malibu Realtor for 13 years. He can be reached at RICKMALIBUrealestate.com.

Adamson Hotel on its way

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For more than 20 years, the Adamson Company has been planning to build a hotel up on a bluff on a 28-acre triangular lot created by the intersection of Pacific Coast Highway, Malibu Canyon Road and Civic Center Way.

To date, not a spade of earth has been turned, but that may change later this year, if things go as planned. The long-awaited, hotly debated and often controversial 146-room Adamson Hotel may actually go into construction by the end of this year.

The proposed hotel will have 146 luxury guest suites in villas surrounding private courtyards, which will be built on the 28-acre parcel. Construction will take place in two phases. In the first phase, 106 rooms will be built. In the second phase, two to five years later, according to developers’ current estimates, 40 rooms will be added. The facility will have a state-of-the-art 10,000-square-foot sunlit spa/gym, outdoor tennis courts, a lobby bar, and a fine-dining restaurant and a cafe inside. A 6,000-square-foot banquet and meeting space, a cultural center and landscaped parking are also slated for the design.

The architectural style is along the lines of a Southern California garden hotel with a historic Spanish Mediterranean character. (Developers refer to the Bel-Air Hotel in Stone Canyon as an example of the feel they want to achieve.) The buildings will be a mix of one and two stories (maximum of 28 feet), with large rooms and suites (approximately 600 to 1,000 square feet), many with bay views, all in villas with outdoor space and clustered around courtyards.

The developers estimate the city can anticipate about $2 million to $3 million in revenue per year from the resort hotel complex. The majority will come from an 11 percent occupancy tax and from the city’s share of real estate and other taxes. It is calculated that in 2003, when the hotel might come online, the average room rate for a hotel of this type would be about $440 per room, per night. A 75 percent occupancy rate is anticipated (which is a consistent if not conservative estimate, compared with hotels like Shutters in Santa Monica). Additionally, based upon hospitality industry norms, developers anticipate that hotel guests could be expected to spend $50 million to $65 million annually in the community. One reason that many cities want hotels is that the transient occupancy tax (TOT) is one of the few taxes not shared with other jurisdictions — it goes directly into city coffers. The city can also get immediate cash from the TOT if it issues bonds, using the transient tax as security for the bonds.

The city’s approval process for the project has been particularly long and arduous. The original development began in the 1970s under the county, with a proposal for a 300-room hotel.

The project received county and California Coastal Commission approval, but when Malibu became a city, everything came to a halt. After many meetings and votes, the project was finally passed in its present scaled-down form of 146 rooms, in two phases.

The initial city Conditional Use Permit (CUP) was filed for review in August 1994, and thereafter went through a city planning and state environmental review process. Hearings then took place before the Malibu Planning Commission and the Malibu City Council, and the project received its final approval on March 23, 1998, when developers received both a CUP and a certification of the project environmental impact report (EIR).

It is estimated that when completed, the 146-room resort hotel will house approximately 300 guests and have 70 to 110 employees split into three shifts — 9 p.m. to 6 a.m., 6 a.m. to 2 p.m., and 2 p.m. to 9 p.m.

Conditions imposed by the General Plan and the city include: that it be a small hotel; that traffic occur during off-peak hours; that guests tend to stay on site (typically that means a high-end hotel); that it be a destination resort; that there be a hotel shuttle to beaches and golf (to minimize traffic); that there will be no outside amplified sound; and that the gardens have a mature landscape.

No exact date is yet set for breaking ground, but estimates are for this fall.

Paranoia drives fiction, satire, also the IRS and FBI

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I think I’ve figured out what makes films like “Erin Brockovich” so successful, beyond the underdog fighting the system and winning. I think it feeds into our national paranoia. We are cowed by the bigness of corporations, their control — through lobbying and soft money — over politicians, the food supply, medical care, just about everything.

We are powerless, literally, to control our electric, gas, even water supplies, which will dwindle to a trickle this summer, they say, because the snow pack is only whatever percent of normal. Do we believe that? Or could it be tied to the gigawatts of electricity needed to pump water over the mountains to slake our thirst and keep our desert gardens green.

I’m not even talking about water quality — chromium 6, arsenic, pesticides from agricultural runoff. Things we would like to blame on bureaucratic bungling, we secretly believe to be sinister plots. Is our governor turning gray with fright because he’s losing votes, or because his campaign was fed as much by utility companies as agribusiness? Is he for real, paralyzed by fright? Or could he be an automaton, unable to move without continuing infusions of power?

And does paranoia have to be imagined or can it be based on fact? Every year as the ides of April approach, humorist Dave Barry lampoons the IRS. This year he takes it all back in a paean to the tax gods because, guess what, he has been chosen for an audit. Coincidence, maybe. Paranoia, for sure. “The IRS wants me to produce every document that has ever existed, including the original Magna Carta,” he writes.

So instead of poking fun at the IRS, he says what fine folks they are: “They’re regular people just like you, except that they can destroy your life.”

This is funny only if you are on a fixed income, never itemized deductions, and never won anything on a game show or in Las Vegas. And speaking of Las Vegas, “60 Minutes” producer Don Hewitt tells Bryan Lamb on “Booknotes” this week about Frank Sinatra’s paranoia, agreeing to an interview only if he was not asked about Las Vegas and the Mafia. Hewitt’s book will probably be as successful as “60 Minutes” because we’re all paranoid about big-time crime from “The Godfather” to “The Sopranos.”

PBS just aired Bill Moyers’ documentary, two years in the making, which chronicles abuses by chemical manufacturers and industry regulators. This feeds my personal paranoia about pesticide residue killing us softly. Organophosphates live longer than we do. They’ll still be around, even the banned or regulated ones, to plague our great-great-grandchildren. Moyers had his blood tested and discovered it contained 52 chemicals. Malathion — sprayed on his home as the government promised it was safe (and who could stop them anyway?) — dioxins, PCBs, a veritable toxic soup coursing through his veins. Better living through chemistry? He thinks not.

David Willman’s recent articles documenting cozy relationships between the pharmaceutical industry and the FDA feed our paranoia about the safety of drugs touted by our doctors and advertised on national TV. Many have side effects worse than the condition for which they’re prescribed. And those are just the ones we know about. I wonder if Willman will be chosen for an audit by the friendly folks at the IRS.

It’s my guess nobody understands the pervasiveness of paranoia better than Tom Sawyer, whose novel “The Sixteenth Man” has attracted as much attention from the government as from book sellers. His fictionalized account of how the assassination of JFK might have involved everyone from the Mafia to the military, prompted a call from the FBI. The special agent said he was curious about Sawyer’s sources for the book and wondered how he spelled out some of the Mafia figures in detail. “I couldn’t believe they were asking. I told him I just tried to imagine them as real people. It came to me by osmosis over 38 years, and by making a living making stuff up [TV scripts for ‘Murder She Wrote’ and others]. It was all fictionalized, the senators, the military. I probably know less than Oliver Stone.”

He didn’t share with the special agent that the story (also an opera and an episode of “Murder She Wrote”) came from his own paranoia. He says he really believes the assassination was a coup, a huge cabal, and that both Kennedys were done in because “they just stepped on too many toes.” After he hung up the phone, he was suspicious the call was a phony. “So I pressed star 69 [to redial the last incoming call], and it really was the FBI.”

Sawyer says he learned in Hollywood that people rarely say what they mean. So fictional characters should never say exactly what they’re thinking. And does this apply to characters from the FBI? The IRS? How paranoid is this? He shrugs. “I consider it protective paranoia.”

Tom Sawyer tells more about “The Sixteenth Man” on “Connie Martinson Talks Books” airing in April on local Channel 3.

Veg side are you on?

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Veg heads, please keep your hooks off of our pier! It’s one of the very few places we can take our kids fishing in Malibu. Are these people who say they can’t stand the sight of “poor creatures flopping around in buckets” the same ones who pay big bucks for sushi? Or are they oh-so-politically correct veg heads trying to force their radical views on the rest of us? How about a small hose on the pier so people fishing can clean up the slop? The State Parks Department has the obligation to keep our pier open for the enjoyment of the taxpayers. And before we get too sanctimonious, I happen to know that living, breathing plants were actually KILLED to make way for the houses of Malibu!

Hans Laetz

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