Your Malibu Times editorials and letters have probed into local politics, state politics, anthrax, church sex and corporate excess and have sparked demand in the city of Malibu Council Chambers for meddlesome probes into every orifice of Malibu life.
Your editorials and letters show that people love a good probe. In fact, “Dear Editor,” you love a good probe. Malibuites have come to depend on these probes to keep track of who’s getting shafted and who’s doing the shafting. The Malibu City Council probed foreign policies by voting 5 to 0 against the United States invading Iraq (they lost).
It won’t be long before the City of Malibu announces fresh probes into Martha Stewart’s nuclear capabilities, Saddam Hussein’s secret sex journal and the proposed liquid natural gas facility to be built off the coast near Malibu. Malibuites have body-cavity probes at airports and the Los Angeles Times is probing reports of proctologists who bill patients for unnecessary probing. The National Enquirer’s probe led to shocking reports on Bill Clinton’s aborigine love child and Britney Spears’ steamy sex romp with Jerry Springer.
Because probes are becoming a part of our way of life in Malibu, I believe they must have a feasible economic impact. Malibu City officials should embark on a probe into the possible benefits of converting the city to a probe-based economy.
And that is all I have to say (sure).
Tom Fakehany