Back in August, we went to the sea with my husband as we usually do. Being a trailing spouse is a hard work but it will definitely make you happy if you do the things right. So I decided to tell you about the key principles of being a happy trailing spouse. Some people know what a trailing spouse is, for those who don’t here is the best explanation of what it is to be a trailing spouse. Today we are going to talk about the trailing spouse and how they can be happy in that role.
The trailing spouse gives up a lot to move to a foreign country with their family for their spouses work.
The definition of a trailing spouse is:
Trailing Spouse is the partner following his/her spouse on assignment abroad. The trailing partner is the one who is the vital component that helps all the rest fall into place. While the working partner heads off to work, the trailing spouse has the responsibility of all the “non-work” facets of life for the whole family: the children, the working partner, and the trailing spouse as well.
What are the challenges of a trailing spouse?
Some of the more common challenges that face trailing spouses are:
· Lack of support system they had at home from family, friends, and coworkers.
· Learning a new language.
· Learning new customs.
· Learning to drive in a new country which may be very different from your home.
· You have no work permit which means you have do not have money of your own. The only income is your working spouses and as such you can’t open a bank account or get a credit card without the working partner’s permission.
· Your personal identity that you had before you quit your own career to follow your spouse is gone, now what do you? How do you define yourself?
Those are the most common challenges on top of which you have to do all these alone as your partner is working. The kids if you have any are in school. So when the unpacking is done, the housework, the shopping, is done what do you do with yourself the rest of the day? Some find this to be depressing and have a hard time dealing with it all.
How to become a happy trailing spouse, what you can do to achieve happiness?
First, before the move, make sure that the company will give you a stipend. A little extra money just for you since you are the glue to hold the family together and support the working partner so they can jump in running on their assignment. Also, ask the about support groups for the trailing spouse. These can be a great comfort when you find out you are not alone and it can also help you find new friends to enjoy things like coffee or hiking with.
This costs the company far less than a chaotic household where the working spouse is not getting enough support and rest to do their job. You and your spouse will also need to discuss the money aspect of your relationship and how you can contribute if you do not work how the decisions will be made for what money is spent on, and so on.
Second, make a list of things you should do in what order. Learn the language, get further education, apply for work visa if it is available, and you get the idea here. Check off each one as you finish it. Third find out if the company pays for language courses and other education for you so that you can perform basic duties such as shopping, finding the children a good school, filing paperwork for schools, doctors, and identification papers, also for making new friends and networks that will help you be happy in the new country.Fourth find out about a work visa for yourself if you wish to find work in the new country you are going to live in if it is even allowed. Some countries do not allow it. What about starting a business there?
Gathering all this information before the move will help you after you have settled the new house, found children schools, and your spouse is working 10 to 12 hours a day. You will have an idea of what you can do to fill the time when you are alone that is productive instead of just sitting around in a depression and packing on weight.
Once the move is made, take stock of yourself. What makes you the person you have become, go back to basics and define yourself by your beliefs, you are more than just a spouse, a mother, a lawyer, etc.
Volunteer for charities or other organizations that help families and people in need in the new country. This will help you in two ways, a sense of purpose and meeting new friends and people you can talk to.
Go back to school, even if it is online to learn a new skill. One that will be wanted in your new country, which may help you get a job there or open a business.
Most of all take advantage of the help and support the working spouses company provides, find new hobbies, and redefine yourself into a new you that is ready to take on life in a new country. Be sure to chat with the other trailing spouses they may have ideas which can help you find yourself quicker especially the ones who have been there the longest. Surround yourself with the ones who have learned to be happy, listen to their stories and take from them what you need in order to help yourself be happy.
Conclusion
Being a trailing spouse is hard work, the more you know up front, the better you bargain with the working spouses company for yourself for a stipend, a work visa, etc. the better prepared you will be once you get to the new country and get settled.
Knowing what is available to you as far as support, education in language and customs and driving in the new country and how to apply for what you need, will give you a starting point. Once you have all that settled, have learned the language, you can concentrate on finding your new self so that you are happy. After all happy spouse makes a happy marriage, a happy parent, and a happy life.
Samantha Brannon is an experienced writer, blogger, and a happy mother that works as an editor at a local newspaper and a freelance writer at Trustessay.