The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animal I can think of. When the Lilly’s Coffee Shop 8 a.m. coffee group gets together they occasionally have to originate their discussions. On a recent visit I found them talking about the gender of the city of Malibu. They weren’t sure which it was. Should it be masculine or feminine?
One group headed by the candid Doug O’Brien, if I recollect accurately, concluded that the city of Malibu should be referred to in the masculine gender because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to kick them in the butt.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they are the problem.
The opposite group led by the commentator Ray Vogue determined that the city of Malibu should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:
1. No one but the creator understands the city’s internal logic.
2. The aborigine language they use to communicate with each other is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in their long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. Malibuites find themselves spending their paycheck on accessories for it.
I don’t know who is accurate on this issue of gender and certainty I don’t want to claim a position on such an impressionable topic. Maybe the city of Malibu has no gender. Maybe the government of the city of Malibu is really intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.
Tom Fakehany