The infernal, eternal, ubiquitous beep
My next task is a beep away. The quiet world we all once knew has been replaced by the incessant beep. I lock my car and it beeps to tell me “I’m locked.” Likewise, to regain access, my electronic key unlocks the door, two presses, two beeps, all doors lock while a third beep locks the trunk. I live by the park and from my kitchen I hear the dog-walkers and parents lock/beep and unlock/beep their cars all day. Big cars, little cars, SUVs and trucks-all have a special, recognizable beep-especially to their owners.
My coffee pot has another beep, actually a series of them when it’s all done brewing. My oven has a distinguishable beep, too, when it reaches the desired temperature, and another when the cooking time is up. I can set the time, put something in the microwave and something else in the oven below, all from the same control panel and recognize the many different tones signaling another phase in my cooking process. If I leave the fridge or freezer door open too long, I get a scolding with an abrasive horn like beep. If the fridge is closed and freezer open, the scolding is muffled because the “speaker” is in the other side. I get the message nonetheless.
My computer is rather loquacious too. It tells me when it’s coming on but at least it hums a few bars rather than a monotone beep. I get a ding-dong when it wants to announce the arrival of electronic mail. It reminds me when I forget to do something-an irritating and repetitious alarm-usually tied to a calendared task. It beeps when it finds something it doesn’t like-usually a user input error. How embarrassing. However, there are other good warnings it beeps about, such as a computer predator trying to infect my PC with a virus.
My telephone has one ring, the fax line a different ring. The cell phone can have many rings, as we know, including “Fight On.” Then you get beeps when there are messages or you missed a call. It demands attention and will not stop beeping until I press some buttons, turn if off or put a pillow over it. It is afraid I did not hear it or that I’ll forget. Thus, this is the beep for attention, again.
The home security system has its distinctive sounds as well, like “You have 30 seconds to vacate the premises” and leave me alone; conversely, you have 30 seconds to put all those groceries down, dump the purse, sidestep the cat, switch on the light and enter the multiple-digit combination so the bloody beeping will stop and before the remote alarm is activated and summons the security office for a patrol officer.
All of this is very recognizable and sounds nothing like the ding of the toaster oven announcing your bread is now burnt to useless. My fault; I did not adjust the length of time for the beep.
The alarm clock by the bed makes its gentle warning beep before it lets loose with stronger sounds to blast me out of bed. And, the new day begins as I go from beep to beep in a cacophony of sounds in my electronic world. Just as “plastics, my son” used to be the future, batteries that allow the beep have become our present, without which surely we could not function.
-By Monica Panno